Joke of the Day (Warning some jokes may cause laughter)!!! : )

[pm-r]

Just looking at it, a bit higher pressure and the steam *might* reach the bowl. (Those of us of a certain age are familiar with that problem.).

LOL!!! It just might reach If the tap was turned on full, but I would suspect that they just might need to change the "angle of the dangle" as they say.


- Patrick
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[Lifeisabeach]

Maybe they were replacing the faucet and wanted to use the existing hole, but they still should have taken the tape measure with them when they were shopping for a replacement. But I don't know why they would have carried on when they should have seen what the results were going to be.

Anyway, lots of alternative faucet choices that could fix the problem for them with a longer spout;

Well that really is the gist of it. That is a faucet clearly intended for a sink with mounting holes in the ceramic at the edge. There's not enough room between where it is now and the edge of that sink for it to sit properly. My bathroom sink has a goose neck faucet that extends less than even that one does in the "joke", but it's mounted in the ceramic rim as intended.

 

[toMACsh]

Maybe they were replacing the faucet and wanted to use the existing hole,

Well, we once went shopping for a new kitchen faucet without thinking about the height of it. As it tuned out, when being installed, we discovered that it cleared the window sill by less than 1/4", Phew! (could have returned it) At least we didn't buy one that comes out of the wall !

 

[Lifeisabeach]

Well, we once went shopping for a new kitchen faucet without thinking about the height of it. As it tuned out, when being installed, we discovered that it cleared the window sill by less than 1/4", Phew! (could have returned it) At least we didn't buy one that comes out of the wall !

Some years ago we had to remodel the kitchen. After the new cabinets and everything were in, I put in a new fan and soon discovered the hard way that the blades would hit the top cabinet doors closest to it when opened up. Whoops! I finally found a fan that gave me enough clearance, probably one of only a three or four that existed with that short of a blade length.

 

[Jonzjob]

You could have cut a slot in the doors so the fan went through it when they were open

Ok, it was just an idea?

 

[Lifeisabeach]

You could have cut a slot in the doors so the fan went through it when they were open

Ok, it was just an idea?

A better man than I would have tried it.

 

[chscag]

Ceiling fans are a pain to install. Just went thru that last summer for our master bedroom. Our house is 33 years old which meant a completely new mounting bracket and hardware unless I wanted to modify the ceiling.

Okay gentlemen and ladies.... back to your favorite jokes please.

 

[Lifeisabeach]

Ceiling fans are a pain to install. Just went thru that last summer for our master bedroom. Our house is 33 years old which meant a completely new mounting bracket and hardware unless I wanted to modify the ceiling.

Okay gentlemen and ladies.... back to your favorite jokes please.

I have a great joke about ceiling fans.
I try to tell it to people, but it just goes over their heads.

 

[Randy B. Singer]

You folks were WAY too entertained by the sink! Anyway, if you liked that, you will love this site:

You Had ONE Job!

You Had One Job!

“You Had One Job” is an expression used to call attention to perceived blunders made by individuals on the job.

hadonejob.com

 

[sllewk]

I offer my most humble apologies to anyone who I caused upset to with my last TASTELESS attempt at putting a joke on this forum. Once again I am so very sorry, I cannot say any more than that.

Very best regards from Keith in Derby England.

 

[chscag]

Apologies accepted Keith.

We try to keep these forums such that everyone in the family can participate. "G" rated only.

 

[sllewk]

Chicago, Heartfelt thanks this way!!

Very best regards from Keith in Derby England.

 

[sllewk]

Chscag, Sorry about the mis spelt personal title, purely down to auto correction!

Very best regards from Keith in Derby England.

 

[Randy B. Singer]

The old lady handed her bank card to a bank teller and said, “I would like to withdraw $10
The teller told her, “For withdrawals less than $100 please use the ATM.”
The old lady wanted to know why ...
The teller returned her bank card and irritably told her, “These are the rules.
Please leave if there is no other matter. There is a line of customers behind you.”
The old lady remained silent for a few seconds, then handed the card back to the teller and said, “Please help me withdraw all the money I have.”
The teller was astonished when she checked the account balance. She nodded her head, leaned down and respectfully told her, you have $300,000 in your account and the bank doesn't have that much cash currently. Could you make an appointment and come again tomorrow?
The old lady then asked how much she could withdraw immediately.
The teller told her any amount up to $3000
"Well, please let me have $3000 now", she The teller then handed it very friendly and respectfully to her
The old lady put $10 in her purse and asked the teller to deposit $2990 back into her account.
The moral of this tale .......
Don't be difficult with old people, they spent a lifetime learning the skills.

 

[Randy B. Singer]

John, who lived in the north of England, decided to go golfing in Scotland with his buddy, Shawn. They loaded up John's minivan and headed north.

After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

‘I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained, 'and I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house.'

'Don't worry,' John said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.'

The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of golf. But about nine months later, John got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the golf weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Shawn and asked, "Shawn, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our golf holiday in Scotland about 9 months ago?”

‘Yes, I do,' said Shawn.
'Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?'

'Well, um, yes!,' Shawn said, a little embarrassed about being found out, 'I have to admit that I did.'

'And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?'

Shawn's face turned beet red and he said, 'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?'

‘She just died and left me everything.'

(And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you?...)

 

[Mitcherooney]

So, there's this fellow walking down the street and a man notices that he's got a daffodil growing out the top of his head. 'Excuse me', said the man, 'but do you know that you have a daffodil growing out of the top of your head?' 'It's strange, I know' said the nan. 'I planted cabbages'.

 

[pm-r]

So, there's this fellow walking down the street and a man notices that he's got a daffodil growing out the top of his head.

Gee, for a second or two there I thought we were going to get a variation on the nurse and the daffodil joke I'm sure many will remember...

Rectal thermometer daffodil joke. - Factual Questions - Straight Dope Message Board

I got the following joke via e-mail the other day, and trying to remember its source is driving me nuts. I know I’ve heard it before, not just as a joke, but as something that actually happened or at least was a story by…

boards.straightdope.com

- Patrick
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[Randy B. Singer]

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful pet poodle along for company. One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long he discovers that he is lost.

Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch. The poodle thinks, "Uh-oh, I'm in deep trouble now!"

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.

Just as the leopard is about to leap, the poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here."

Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, a look of terror comes over him, and he slinks away into the trees.

"Whew," says the leopard. "That was close. That poodle nearly had me."

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine."

Now the poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet and, just when they get close enough to hear, the poodle says.....................

"Where's that **** monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"

 

[Mitcherooney]

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful pet poodle along for company. One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long he discovers that he is lost.

Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch. The poodle thinks, "Uh-oh, I'm in deep trouble now!"

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.

Just as the leopard is about to leap, the poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here."

Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, a look of terror comes over him, and he slinks away into the trees.

"Whew," says the leopard. "That was close. That poodle nearly had me."

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine."

Now the poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet and, just when they get close enough to hear, the poodle says.....................

"Where's that **** monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"

 

[Mitcherooney]

There was an old prospector wandering around the outback in Australia looking for diamonds, accompanied by his faithful old dog Rover. Eventually, pretty near starved he and with no rations, he realises that if he doesn't eat something he's going to die, Lifting up his rifle, he says, 'Sorry old Feller' and shoots the dog and cooks up a stew. Sometime later, with a full belly, he sees the pile of bones left over from the stew and says to himself, 'That's a real shame, that is. Rover would have loved them bones'