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Joke of the Day (Warning some jokes may cause laughter)!!! : )
- Thread starter pigoo3
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If I had one beer for every person killed by a drunk driver...
I wouldn't have a space that would hold all of them. - I Just Made That Up
I wouldn't have a space that would hold all of them. - I Just Made That Up
An exercise for people who are out of shape: Begin with a five-pound potato bag in each hand. Extend your arms straight out from your sides, hold them there for a full minute, and then relax. After a few weeks, move up to ten-pound potato bags. Then try 50-pound potato bags, and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-pound potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. Once you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.
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A policeman in the big city stops a man in a car with a Siberian Lynx in the front seat. “What are you doing with that Siberian Lynx?” He exclaimed, “You should take it to the zoo.” The following week, the same policeman sees the same man with the cat again in the front seat, with both of them wearing sunglasses. The policeman pulls him over. “I thought you were going to take that cat to the zoo!” The man replied, “I did. We had such a good time we are going to the beach this weekend!”
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- Joined
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Don't like that one, Randy. Now, if it said "wife" instead, I might be intrigued.
If you call me a prude, you will not be wrong.
If you call me a prude, you will not be wrong.
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The world has gone through some very tough times recently. It would really be a help to everyone if folks concentrated on not being curmudgeons and more on having a sense of humor.
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How's this for the health nuts out there...???
This Japanese doctor might be on to something..... ?
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste time on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it’s like saying you extend life of a car by driving faster. Want to live longer? - Take nap.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Fruit very good. Brandy distilled wine, that means they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Grain good too. - Bottoms up!
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...very good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around.
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is also a shape!
Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember:
Finally, the Japanese Doctor summed up: Look mister, Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Beer in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride my life was"!!!!!
Eat whatever you like because you will still DIE, don't allow motivational speakers deceive you.
1. The inventor of the treadmill died at the age of 54.
2. The inventor of gymnastics died at the age of 57.
3. The world bodybuilding champion died at the age of 41.
4. The best footballer in the world Maradona died at the age of 60.
BUT
5. The KFC inventor died at 94.
6. Inventor of Nutella brand died at the age of 88.
7. Imagine, cigarette maker Winston died at the age of 102.
8. The inventor of opium died at the age of 116 in an earthquake.
9. Hennessey Cognac inventor died at 98.
How did these doctors come to the conclusion that exercise prolongs life?
The rabbit is always jumping up and down but it lives for only 2 years and the turtle that doesn’t exercise at all, lives 400 years.
So, take some rest, Chill, stay cool, eat, drink and enjoy your life.
This Japanese doctor might be on to something..... ?
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste time on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it’s like saying you extend life of a car by driving faster. Want to live longer? - Take nap.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Fruit very good. Brandy distilled wine, that means they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Grain good too. - Bottoms up!
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...very good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around.
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is also a shape!
Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember:
Finally, the Japanese Doctor summed up: Look mister, Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Beer in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride my life was"!!!!!
Eat whatever you like because you will still DIE, don't allow motivational speakers deceive you.
1. The inventor of the treadmill died at the age of 54.
2. The inventor of gymnastics died at the age of 57.
3. The world bodybuilding champion died at the age of 41.
4. The best footballer in the world Maradona died at the age of 60.
BUT
5. The KFC inventor died at 94.
6. Inventor of Nutella brand died at the age of 88.
7. Imagine, cigarette maker Winston died at the age of 102.
8. The inventor of opium died at the age of 116 in an earthquake.
9. Hennessey Cognac inventor died at 98.
How did these doctors come to the conclusion that exercise prolongs life?
The rabbit is always jumping up and down but it lives for only 2 years and the turtle that doesn’t exercise at all, lives 400 years.
So, take some rest, Chill, stay cool, eat, drink and enjoy your life.
- Joined
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Let's stay on topic please. This sub forum is for humor, not philosophy, politics, or personal morality.
Thanks.
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- Joined
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LOL, Randy forgot to tell us what H2O2 is:
Hydrogen peroxide is a chemical compound with the formula H2O2. In its pure form, it is a very pale blue liquid, slightly more viscous than water.
Good for dying your hair blonde, but not as a drink.
Hydrogen peroxide is a chemical compound with the formula H2O2. In its pure form, it is a very pale blue liquid, slightly more viscous than water.
Good for dying your hair blonde, but not as a drink.
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I was told that there wouldn't be any math when I joined this discussion list.
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That is actual easier than some of the real ones I have seen.
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Gheese... I'm still not sure even after Googling to find out what a "cognate improper integral" is... I guess I wouldn't pass the test... 
- Patrick
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- Patrick
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- Joined
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- Joined
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Yes, Patrick. My wife and I are just fine. We have had both "jabs" (Pfizer) and looking forward to upcoming relaxation of the restrictions. Thanks for asking, Patrick.
Ian
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