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Joke of the Day (Warning some jokes may cause laughter)!!! : )
- Thread starter pigoo3
- Start date
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My dishwasher broke down yesterday !
I just gave her a bit of a slap and she's OK now
I just gave her a bit of a slap and she's OK now
- Joined
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I hope that you don't mind Randy, but I'm using some of your stuff elsewhere?
It doesn't really matter if you do 'cause there's nowt you can do about it
giggle
It doesn't really matter if you do 'cause there's nowt you can do about it
giggle
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My dishwasher broke down yesterday !
I just gave her a bit of a slap and she's OK now
She's OK now; but how about you??? Few survive.
Ian
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An old man at the Doctor's reception desk and was asked "Why are you here?". "There is something wrong with my ****!" "Oh you dirty old man, go outside and think of something more suitable" This he did and when re-asked "Why are you here?" He said "There is something wrong with my ear." That is much better my man; now what is wrong with your ear?" The man replied "I cannot wee out of it!!!"
Bet that will make the CUT and not appear!!! Oh well it was worth a try because being an old man I like it very much!!!
Bet that will make the CUT and not appear!!! Oh well it was worth a try because being an old man I like it very much!!!
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When I first glanced that picture I thought someone had drawn N - 95 masks on there.
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- Location
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- Joined
- Feb 1, 2011
- Messages
- 4,428
- Reaction score
- 2,144
- Points
- 113
- Location
- Sacramento, California
- Joined
- Mar 30, 2010
- Messages
- 1,548
- Reaction score
- 164
- Points
- 63
- Location
- NW Wiltshire England
- Your Mac's Specs
- Mid 2010 MBP 13, 8 gig mem, 2 int disks 500gig SSD, 1Tb SSHD . 2010 iMac, 8 gig, 2 Tb SSHD. iMac M1
That's easy Sawday, they are kangorillapigs. You can tell by the spots
Next!
That's not too bad Randy as long as it ain't the dandelion and burdock. That one I can do without!
Next!
That's not too bad Randy as long as it ain't the dandelion and burdock. That one I can do without!
- Joined
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Subject: Golf Jokes!
A recent study found that the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year, which means, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon. Kind of makes you proud. I feel almost as good as a Tesla.
----------------------
A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack. ”Help me, dear," she groans to her husband. The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few seconds, makes several other quick calls, then picks up his putter and lines up his putt. His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him. "I'm dying here and you're making phone calls and playing golf."
"Don't worry dear," says the husband calmly, "they found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming over to help you."
"Well, how long will it take for him to get here?" she asks feebly.
"No time at all," says her husband. "Everybody between us has already agreed to let him play through.”
——————————
A gushy reporter told Phil Mickelson, "You are spectacular! Your name is synonymous with the game of golf. And I can see that you really know your way around the course. What's your secret?"
Mickelson answered, ”The holes are numbered."
_______________________
A young man and a priest are playing together. At a short par-3 the priest asks, "What are you hitting on this hole, my son?"
The young man replies, "An 8-iron, Father, how about you?"
The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray."
The young man hits his 8-iron and puts the ball squarely on the green.
Then the priest tops his 7-iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards to the center of the Ladies' tee.
The young man says, "I don't know about you, Father, but in my church, when we pray, we keep our head down.”
————————————
Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 3-iron standing over a lifeless man. The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?"
"Yes" says the woman.
"Did you hit him with that golf club?"
"Yes, yes, I did." The woman begins to sob, drops the club and puts her hands on her face.
"How many times did you hit him?"
”I don't know." She thinks for a minute and replies, "Put me down for a five."
——————————
A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an
opening between two trees that he thought he could hit through. Taking out his 3-wood, he took a mighty swing. The ball hit a tree limb, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him.
As he approached the Gates of Heaven, St. Peter asked, "Are you a good golfer?"
The man replied: ”You bet. I got here in two, didn't I?
—————————
The bride was escorted down the aisle by her father, and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side.
She looked at him and asked, "What are your golf clubs doing here?”
He looked her in the eye and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?
______________________
A recent study found that the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year, which means, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon. Kind of makes you proud. I feel almost as good as a Tesla.
----------------------
A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack. ”Help me, dear," she groans to her husband. The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few seconds, makes several other quick calls, then picks up his putter and lines up his putt. His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him. "I'm dying here and you're making phone calls and playing golf."
"Don't worry dear," says the husband calmly, "they found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming over to help you."
"Well, how long will it take for him to get here?" she asks feebly.
"No time at all," says her husband. "Everybody between us has already agreed to let him play through.”
——————————
A gushy reporter told Phil Mickelson, "You are spectacular! Your name is synonymous with the game of golf. And I can see that you really know your way around the course. What's your secret?"
Mickelson answered, ”The holes are numbered."
_______________________
A young man and a priest are playing together. At a short par-3 the priest asks, "What are you hitting on this hole, my son?"
The young man replies, "An 8-iron, Father, how about you?"
The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray."
The young man hits his 8-iron and puts the ball squarely on the green.
Then the priest tops his 7-iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards to the center of the Ladies' tee.
The young man says, "I don't know about you, Father, but in my church, when we pray, we keep our head down.”
————————————
Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 3-iron standing over a lifeless man. The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?"
"Yes" says the woman.
"Did you hit him with that golf club?"
"Yes, yes, I did." The woman begins to sob, drops the club and puts her hands on her face.
"How many times did you hit him?"
”I don't know." She thinks for a minute and replies, "Put me down for a five."
——————————
A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an
opening between two trees that he thought he could hit through. Taking out his 3-wood, he took a mighty swing. The ball hit a tree limb, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him.
As he approached the Gates of Heaven, St. Peter asked, "Are you a good golfer?"
The man replied: ”You bet. I got here in two, didn't I?
—————————
The bride was escorted down the aisle by her father, and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side.
She looked at him and asked, "What are your golf clubs doing here?”
He looked her in the eye and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?
______________________
- Joined
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Hi, here is a reproduction of a sign on a local shop door :- SEMI-AUTOMATIC DOOR PLEASE PUSH.
IF THAT DOES NOT WORK, IT'S LOCKED-
TRY THE DOOR ROUND THE CORNER.
Very best regards from Keith in Derby.
IF THAT DOES NOT WORK, IT'S LOCKED-
TRY THE DOOR ROUND THE CORNER.
Very best regards from Keith in Derby.
- Joined
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That's easy Sawday, they are kangorillapigs. You can tell by the spots
Next!
That's not too bad Randy as long as it ain't the dandelion and burdock. That one I can do without!
Far too easy. Try this one:
I'll give you a clue. Although it has horns it's not a goat.
- Joined
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Of course it's not a goat, I'm a stupid as I look!
It's so obvious that it's a rinahippocow. Indian by the small ears.
Next !!
It's so obvious that it's a rinahippocow. Indian by the small ears.
Next !!
- Joined
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Hey John, you need to start diluting that wine with some water!
- Joined
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- Joined
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I'll have you know that if Big G wanted more water in wine he would have put it there
I'll also have you know that I'm not as think as drinkle peep I am mate!
Anyway, all I'm doing is to give the correct answers to these obvious questions and I never make mastikes.
Wots a centralfuge
I'll also have you know that I'm not as think as drinkle peep I am mate!Anyway, all I'm doing is to give the correct answers to these obvious questions and I never make mastikes.
Wots a centralfuge
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