• Welcome to Schweb's Lounge

    In addition to the Mac-Forums Community Guidelines, there are a few things you should pay attention to while in The Lounge.

    Lounge Rules
    • If your post belongs in a different forum, please post it there.
    • While this area is for off-topic conversations, that doesn't mean that every conversation will be permitted. The moderators will, at their sole discretion, close or delete any threads which do not serve a beneficial purpose to the community.

    Understand that while The Lounge is here as a place to relax and discuss random topics, that doesn't mean we will allow any topic. Topics which are inflammatory, hurtful, or otherwise clash with our Mac-Forums Community Guidelines will be removed.
  • Welcome to the new Mac-Forums. See News and Community Announcements for more details.

Joke of the Day (Warning some jokes may cause laughter)!!! : )

Joined
Mar 30, 2010
Messages
941
Reaction score
18
Points
18
Location
Ex Nr Carcassonne S France. Now NW Wiltshire Eng
Your Mac's Specs
Mid 2010 MBP 13, 8 gig mem, 2 int disks 500gig SSD, 1Tb SSHD . 2010 iMac, 8 gig, 2 Tb SSHD
I hope that you don't mind Randy, but I'm using some of your stuff elsewhere?

It doesn't really matter if you do 'cause there's nowt you can do about it:giggle:giggle:a
 

Slydude

Well-known member
Staff member
Moderator
Joined
Nov 15, 2009
Messages
15,145
Reaction score
320
Points
83
Location
North Louisiana, USA
Your Mac's Specs
2.8 GHz 2008 MacBook Pro 10.11, 8 GB mem, iPhone XS, 2015 iMac 16 GB 10.15.5 beta
Thanks folks I needed that.
 
Joined
Jul 21, 2016
Messages
251
Reaction score
2
Points
18
Location
Derby England.
Your Mac's Specs
21 inch iMac/Mojave. iPhones 5c&8 and MacBook Air/Catalina
An old man at the Doctor's reception desk and was asked "Why are you here?". "There is something wrong with my ****!" "Oh you dirty old man, go outside and think of something more suitable" This he did and when re-asked "Why are you here?" He said "There is something wrong with my ear." That is much better my man; now what is wrong with your ear?" The man replied "I cannot wee out of it!!!"

Bet that will make the CUT and not appear!!! Oh well it was worth a try because being an old man I like it very much!!!
 
Joined
Jan 1, 2009
Messages
8,041
Reaction score
153
Points
63
Location
Winchester, VA
Your Mac's Specs
MBP 15" Mid 2015, iPhone 11 Pro, an iMac, plus ATVs, AWatch, MacMini
I don't have a joke, but an observation: The Shining is starting to look like a documentary.
 
Joined
Nov 19, 2006
Messages
1,609
Reaction score
41
Points
48
Location
York, UK
Your Mac's Specs
iMac: 27”, 3.4 GHz, 16Gb RAM. iPad2, iPad mini4, iPhone5s

Slydude

Well-known member
Staff member
Moderator
Joined
Nov 15, 2009
Messages
15,145
Reaction score
320
Points
83
Location
North Louisiana, USA
Your Mac's Specs
2.8 GHz 2008 MacBook Pro 10.11, 8 GB mem, iPhone XS, 2015 iMac 16 GB 10.15.5 beta
When I first glanced that picture I thought someone had drawn N - 95 masks on there.:)
 
Joined
Mar 30, 2010
Messages
941
Reaction score
18
Points
18
Location
Ex Nr Carcassonne S France. Now NW Wiltshire Eng
Your Mac's Specs
Mid 2010 MBP 13, 8 gig mem, 2 int disks 500gig SSD, 1Tb SSHD . 2010 iMac, 8 gig, 2 Tb SSHD
That's easy Sawday, they are kangorillapigs. You can tell by the spots :Cool:

Next!

That's not too bad Randy as long as it ain't the dandelion and burdock. That one I can do without!
 
Joined
Feb 1, 2011
Messages
2,038
Reaction score
164
Points
63
Location
Sacramento, California
Subject: Golf Jokes!

A recent study found that the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year, which means, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon. Kind of makes you proud. I feel almost as good as a Tesla.
----------------------

A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack. ”Help me, dear," she groans to her husband. The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few seconds, makes several other quick calls, then picks up his putter and lines up his putt. His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him. "I'm dying here and you're making phone calls and playing golf."

"Don't worry dear," says the husband calmly, "they found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming over to help you."

"Well, how long will it take for him to get here?" she asks feebly.

"No time at all," says her husband. "Everybody between us has already agreed to let him play through.”
——————————

A gushy reporter told Phil Mickelson, "You are spectacular! Your name is synonymous with the game of golf. And I can see that you really know your way around the course. What's your secret?"

Mickelson answered, ”The holes are numbered."
_______________________

A young man and a priest are playing together. At a short par-3 the priest asks, "What are you hitting on this hole, my son?"

The young man replies, "An 8-iron, Father, how about you?"

The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray."

The young man hits his 8-iron and puts the ball squarely on the green.

Then the priest tops his 7-iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards to the center of the Ladies' tee.

The young man says, "I don't know about you, Father, but in my church, when we pray, we keep our head down.”
————————————

Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 3-iron standing over a lifeless man. The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?"

"Yes" says the woman.

"Did you hit him with that golf club?"

"Yes, yes, I did." The woman begins to sob, drops the club and puts her hands on her face.

"How many times did you hit him?"

”I don't know." She thinks for a minute and replies, "Put me down for a five."
——————————

A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an
opening between two trees that he thought he could hit through. Taking out his 3-wood, he took a mighty swing. The ball hit a tree limb, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him.

As he approached the Gates of Heaven, St. Peter asked, "Are you a good golfer?"

The man replied: ”You bet. I got here in two, didn't I?
—————————

The bride was escorted down the aisle by her father, and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side.

She looked at him and asked, "What are your golf clubs doing here?”

He looked her in the eye and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?
______________________
 
Joined
Jul 21, 2016
Messages
251
Reaction score
2
Points
18
Location
Derby England.
Your Mac's Specs
21 inch iMac/Mojave. iPhones 5c&8 and MacBook Air/Catalina
Hi, here is a reproduction of a sign on a local shop door :- SEMI-AUTOMATIC DOOR PLEASE PUSH.
IF THAT DOES NOT WORK, IT'S LOCKED-
TRY THE DOOR ROUND THE CORNER.

Very best regards from Keith in Derby.
 
Joined
Nov 19, 2006
Messages
1,609
Reaction score
41
Points
48
Location
York, UK
Your Mac's Specs
iMac: 27”, 3.4 GHz, 16Gb RAM. iPad2, iPad mini4, iPhone5s
That's easy Sawday, they are kangorillapigs. You can tell by the spots :Cool:

Next!

That's not too bad Randy as long as it ain't the dandelion and burdock. That one I can do without!
Far too easy. Try this one:
ba1ea488-986d-4fb4-b45f-d24b0fe18997.jpg

I'll give you a clue. Although it has horns it's not a goat.
 
Joined
Mar 30, 2010
Messages
941
Reaction score
18
Points
18
Location
Ex Nr Carcassonne S France. Now NW Wiltshire Eng
Your Mac's Specs
Mid 2010 MBP 13, 8 gig mem, 2 int disks 500gig SSD, 1Tb SSHD . 2010 iMac, 8 gig, 2 Tb SSHD
Of course it's not a goat, I'm a stupid as I look!

It's so obvious that it's a rinahippocow. Indian by the small ears. :Cool::Cool:

Next !!
 

chscag

Well-known member
Staff member
Admin
Joined
Jan 23, 2008
Messages
60,463
Reaction score
755
Points
113
Location
Keller, Texas
Your Mac's Specs
2017 27" iMac, 10.5" iPad Pro, iPhone 7+, iPhone 8, iPhone 11, Numerous iPods, Catalina
It's so obvious that it's a rinahippocow.
Hey John, you need to start diluting that wine with some water!

wine.jpeg
 
Joined
Mar 30, 2010
Messages
941
Reaction score
18
Points
18
Location
Ex Nr Carcassonne S France. Now NW Wiltshire Eng
Your Mac's Specs
Mid 2010 MBP 13, 8 gig mem, 2 int disks 500gig SSD, 1Tb SSHD . 2010 iMac, 8 gig, 2 Tb SSHD
I'll have you know that if Big G wanted more water in wine he would have put it there:Smirk: I'll also have you know that I'm not as think as drinkle peep I am mate!

Anyway, all I'm doing is to give the correct answers to these obvious questions and I never make mastikes.

Wots a centralfuge :Confused::Confused:
 
Top