• Welcome to the Off-Topic/Schweb's Lounge

    In addition to the Mac-Forums Community Guidelines, there are a few things you should pay attention to while in The Lounge.

    Lounge Rules
    • If your post belongs in a different forum, please post it there.
    • While this area is for off-topic conversations, that doesn't mean that every conversation will be permitted. The moderators will, at their sole discretion, close or delete any threads which do not serve a beneficial purpose to the community.

    Understand that while The Lounge is here as a place to relax and discuss random topics, that doesn't mean we will allow any topic. Topics which are inflammatory, hurtful, or otherwise clash with our Mac-Forums Community Guidelines will be removed.

Joke of the Day (Warning some jokes may cause laughter)!!! : )

Joined
Jul 24, 2013
Messages
5,084
Reaction score
789
Points
113
Location
Ohio (USA)
Your Mac's Specs
2023-14" M3max MBPro, 64GB/1TB, iPhone 15 Pro, Watch Ultra
Can't take credit for the story but... So me!

"Yesterday I was at Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Necco, the Wonder Dog, which weighs 191 lbs. I was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had an elephant? So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your jacket pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to Pee on a Fire Hydrant and a car hit me.
I thought the man behind her was on the verge of a heart attack from laughing so intensely.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say."

Lisa
 
Joined
Jul 3, 2014
Messages
354
Reaction score
65
Points
28
Location
Courtenay, BC Canada
Your Mac's Specs
iMac -Monterey-12.7.5 27"Retina 5K, Late 2015, 3.2 GHz, i5, 8 GB 1867 MHz DDR3, 250 GB SSD
Joined
Oct 16, 2010
Messages
17,639
Reaction score
1,639
Points
113
Location
Brentwood Bay, BC, Canada
Your Mac's Specs
2011 27" iMac, 1TB(partitioned) SSD, 20GB, OS X 10.11.6 El Capitan
This should definitely add some life to any cremation and make it much more memorable and enjoyable... 😉



EpQ4kS1VEAAi9XY.jpg



😉 Patrick
===========
 
Joined
Jul 24, 2013
Messages
5,084
Reaction score
789
Points
113
Location
Ohio (USA)
Your Mac's Specs
2023-14" M3max MBPro, 64GB/1TB, iPhone 15 Pro, Watch Ultra
"A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, ""Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag.""

""Oh, really? Darn it!"" said the little old lady. ""I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer.

""Well, now, not so fast,"" said the cop.“Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?""

""Oh, no, no"", said the old lady. ""You see, my back yard is right next to a Golf course.

A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower Garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?

So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers.

Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.'

""Well, that seems only fair,"" said the cop, laughing. ""OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way,

what's in the other bag?""

""Not everybody pays." :giggle:
 
Joined
Dec 5, 2008
Messages
726
Reaction score
53
Points
28
Location
Detroit
Your Mac's Specs
2007 Mac Book Pro 2.2 Ghz 4 GB RAM SSD OSX 10.11 & 2006 MBP Stuck At 10.6.8
While in England, I needed a kidney transplant.
I was very surprised to learn that England has no Kidney Bank. But they do have a Liverpool.
 
Joined
Dec 5, 2008
Messages
726
Reaction score
53
Points
28
Location
Detroit
Your Mac's Specs
2007 Mac Book Pro 2.2 Ghz 4 GB RAM SSD OSX 10.11 & 2006 MBP Stuck At 10.6.8
A couple of from those long ago grade school days...

A Priest, an Imam and a Rabbit went to donate blood. The phlebotomist asked the Rabbit his blood type. The Rabbit replied "I'm probably a Type O". (Certainly was a creative way to teach us the word "Phlebotomist".)

Why do fungi have to pay for an extra seat on an airplane?
Because they take up two mushroom.
 
Joined
Feb 1, 2011
Messages
4,526
Reaction score
2,298
Points
113
Location
Sacramento, California
A woman walks into a pharmacy one day and says to the pharmacist,
“I’d like a poison that’ll kill my husband but make it look like he died of natural causes.”

The pharmacist says, “Ma’am, not only can I not do that for you,
I’m going to have to call the police and report you.”

The woman removes something from her pocket and hands it to him.

He looks at it and discovers that it’s a picture of her husband making love to the pharmacist’s wife.

The pharmacist says, “Oh, you should have told me you had a prescription.”
 

Slydude

Well-known member
Staff member
Moderator
Joined
Nov 15, 2009
Messages
17,664
Reaction score
1,121
Points
113
Location
North Louisiana, USA
Your Mac's Specs
M1 MacMini 16 GB - Ventura, iPhone 14 Pro Max, 2015 iMac 16 GB Monterey
Hope no lawyers are offended by this pic. Sent to me by a friend,

1721090263147.png
 

Shop Amazon


Shop for your Apple, Mac, iPhone and other computer products on Amazon.
We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon and affiliated sites.
Top