Joke of the Day (Warning some jokes may cause laughter)!!! : )

[Slydude]

Folks might find this article about an iPhone glitch amusing:

A bride to be discovers a reality bending mistake in Apple's computational photography

Computational glitch in the photograph algorithm. I think a glimpse into an alternate universe is more likely.

 

[Randy B. Singer]

Happy Hanukkah!

 

[Randy B. Singer]

 

[Jonzjob]

Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Maude: What in the **** is that?

Mable: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Maude: Where did you get it?

Mable: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local chemist and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers. "Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."

The pharmacist fainted.

 

[Jonzjob]

A little-known law which prohibits people dying while in the Houses of Parliament has been voted the UK's most ludicrous piece of legislation.

Another law which states it is treason to use a postage stamp upside down was placed in second place by those polled by UKTV Gold.

The most absurd international law was judged to be in the US state of Ohio, where it is illegal to get fish drunk.

The 3,931 people asked selected the laws from a shortlist of bizarre rules.

A total of 27% of those questioned thought the law against dying in the Houses of Parliament was the most absurd, while 7% voted for the legislation banning placing postage stamps upside down.

In third place, with 6%, came a law stating that only a clerk in a tropical fish store has permission to be topless in public in Liverpool.

Driving blindfolded

Other lesser-known laws making the top 10 included one banning eating mince pies on Christmas Day and another stating it is illegal to enter the Houses of Parliament wearing a suit of armour.

Almost half of those asked confessed to breaking the mince pie law, which was brought in by Oliver Cromwell in the 17th Century.

The unusual international laws on the list included legislation against naming a pig Napoleon in France, driving while wearing a blindfold in Alabama and unmarried women parachuting on a Sunday.

The Law Society last year revealed other bizarre UK laws still in existence on the statute book.

They included a ban on firing a cannon close to a dwelling house (Met Police Act 1839); a ban on the use of any slide upon ice or snow (Town Police Clauses Act 1847); and the prohibition of driving cattle through the streets of London (Metropolitan Streets Act 1867).

Dead whales

The UK's top 10 most ridiculous British laws were listed as:

 1. It is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament (27%)

 2. It is an act of treason to place a postage stamp bearing the British king or queen's image upside-down (7%)

 3. It is illegal for a woman to be topless in Liverpool except as a clerk in a tropical fish store (6%)

 4. Eating mince pies on Christmas Day is banned (5%)

 5. If someone knocks on your door in Scotland and requires the use of your toilet, you are required to let them enter (4%)

 6. In the UK a pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants, including in a policeman's helmet (4%)

 7. The head of any dead whale found on the British coast automatically becomes the property of the King, and the tail of the Queen (3.5%)

 8. It is illegal not to tell the tax man anything you do not want him to know, but legal not to tell him information you do not mind him knowing (3%)

 9. It is illegal to enter the Houses of Parliament wearing a suit of armour (3%)

 10. It is legal to murder a Scotsman within the ancient city walls of York, but only if he is carrying a bow and arrow (2%)

False teeth

Other bizarre foreign laws voted by those polled included:

In Ohio, it is illegal to get a fish drunk (9%)

In Indonesia, the penalty for masturbation is decapitation (8%)

A male doctor in Bahrain can only examine the genitals of a woman in the reflection of a mirror (7%)

In Switzerland, a man may not relieve himself standing up after 10pm (6%)

It is illegal to be blindfolded while driving a vehicle in Alabama (6%)

In Florida, unmarried women who parachute on a Sunday could be jailed (6%)

Women in Vermont must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth (6%)

In Milan, it is a legal requirement to smile at all times, except during funerals or hospital visits (5%)

In France, it is illegal to name a pig Napoleon (4%)

 

[Jonzjob]

A Christmas wish from me to all

 

[lclev]

 

[Randy B. Singer]

 

[Randy B. Singer]

 

[Randy B. Singer]

 

[IWT]

Oh Gosh............that reminds me.......

Ian

 

[pm-r]

How to tell..

It's unfortunate the more electricians aren't trained with such neatness and organization in mind, and also to label all Circuit-breakers correctly, which is actually a law and In the cold book all of most areas covered buy electrical inspections.


- Patrick
=======

 

[Jonzjob]

There was nowt wrong with our electrics in France.





Thiw was covered by a panel in the wall. One in every room. Classy ehhhh.

 

[lclev]

THESE ARE ACTUAL COMPLAINTS RECEIVED BY "THOMAS COOK VACATIONS" FROM DISSATISFIED CUSTOMERS:
1. "They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax."
2. "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food."
3. "We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish."
4. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price."
5. "The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room."
6. "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow."
7. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallartato close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time -- this should be banned."
8. "No one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared."
9. "Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg slicer in the drawers."
10. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."
11. "The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guidebook during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun."
12. "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair."
13. "I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends' three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller."
14. "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the resort.' We're trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service."
15. "When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, and the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners."
16. "We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning."
17. "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."
18. "I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes."
19. "My fiancée and I requested twin beds when we booked, but instead, we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."

People can be so ridiculous and amusing!!

Lisa

 

[flyboyy]

mistake
I tried to delete it

 

[flyboyy]

This may come as a surprise

 

[flyboyy]

okay!

 

[flyboyy]

hmmm

 

[flyboyy]

Go ahead and jump

 

[flyboyy]

evidence