- Joined
- Mar 30, 2010
- Messages
- 1,572
- Reaction score
- 168
- Points
- 63
- Location
- NW Wiltshire England
- Your Mac's Specs
- iMac M1 1tb internal SSD. MacBook Air M2 250 internal SDD a multitude ofexternal SSD and hybrid kit
-
Welcome to the Off-Topic/Schweb's Lounge
In addition to the Mac-Forums Community Guidelines, there are a few things you should pay attention to while in The Lounge.
Lounge Rules
- If your post belongs in a different forum, please post it there.
- While this area is for off-topic conversations, that doesn't mean that every conversation will be permitted. The moderators will, at their sole discretion, close or delete any threads which do not serve a beneficial purpose to the community.
Understand that while The Lounge is here as a place to relax and discuss random topics, that doesn't mean we will allow any topic. Topics which are inflammatory, hurtful, or otherwise clash with our Mac-Forums Community Guidelines will be removed.
Joke of the Day (Warning some jokes may cause laughter)!!! : )
- Thread starter pigoo3
- Start date
- Joined
- Oct 16, 2010
- Messages
- 18,169
- Reaction score
- 1,914
- Points
- 113
- Location
- Brentwood Bay, BC, Canada
- Your Mac's Specs
- 2020 27" i9 5K nano iMac, 1TB(partitioned) SSD, GB, macOS 15.3.1 Sequoia
- Joined
- Feb 1, 2011
- Messages
- 4,904
- Reaction score
- 2,908
- Points
- 113
- Location
- Sacramento, California
- Joined
- Mar 30, 2010
- Messages
- 1,572
- Reaction score
- 168
- Points
- 63
- Location
- NW Wiltshire England
- Your Mac's Specs
- iMac M1 1tb internal SSD. MacBook Air M2 250 internal SDD a multitude ofexternal SSD and hybrid kit
I always thought that an ass was another name for a donkey?
Asinus, a subgenus of Equus, that includes the donkey and multiple other asses:
Donkey or ass, Equus africanus asinus
Onager or Asiatic wild ass, Equus hemionus
Mongolian wild ass
Asinus, a subgenus of Equus, that includes the donkey and multiple other asses:
Donkey or ass, Equus africanus asinus
Onager or Asiatic wild ass, Equus hemionus
Mongolian wild ass
- Joined
- Nov 28, 2007
- Messages
- 25,564
- Reaction score
- 486
- Points
- 83
- Location
- Blue Mountains NSW Australia
- Your Mac's Specs
- Silver M1 iMac 512/16/8/8 macOS 11.6
Different spelling and same pronunciation John. We put an 'r' and an 'e' in ours.
- Joined
- Mar 30, 2010
- Messages
- 1,572
- Reaction score
- 168
- Points
- 63
- Location
- NW Wiltshire England
- Your Mac's Specs
- iMac M1 1tb internal SSD. MacBook Air M2 250 internal SDD a multitude ofexternal SSD and hybrid kit
??? There's an 'E' but no 'R' in donkey Harry, or it would be dronkey or donkrey? Not in any English I were ever tort mate? (I wonder what the **** happened to my smilies?)
- Joined
- Nov 28, 2007
- Messages
- 25,564
- Reaction score
- 486
- Points
- 83
- Location
- Blue Mountains NSW Australia
- Your Mac's Specs
- Silver M1 iMac 512/16/8/8 macOS 11.6
Maybe they went ar*e up mate? 
- Joined
- Feb 1, 2011
- Messages
- 4,904
- Reaction score
- 2,908
- Points
- 113
- Location
- Sacramento, California
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2008
- Messages
- 1,227
- Reaction score
- 8
- Points
- 38
- Location
- UK
- Your Mac's Specs
- iMac 2.66 GHz 20", iPad Mini2 32GB, iPhone6 64GB, Watch Sport 42mm Black, iPad Air 2 128GB
Two Bob Monkhouse jokes. (For non-Brits, Bob Monkhouse was a household name in family comedy for over 50 years).
When I told people that I wanted to be a comedian, they all laughed. Well, they're not laughing now!
In much later life, he said this: I still get sex at 68. I live at number 70. It's a short walk.
Don't think either of these is offensive. Hope not
Ian
Another of Bob’s jokes:
When I die I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my father, not screaming in terror like his passengers.
Another one:
I went to my doctor and asked how long I have.
He said, “Ten”.
I said, “Ten what, years, months, weeks, … ?”
He said, “Nine”…
Sent from my iPad using Mac-Forums
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2008
- Messages
- 1,227
- Reaction score
- 8
- Points
- 38
- Location
- UK
- Your Mac's Specs
- iMac 2.66 GHz 20", iPad Mini2 32GB, iPhone6 64GB, Watch Sport 42mm Black, iPad Air 2 128GB
It's so nice and fortunate at times I guess to have a loving, caring wife...
View attachment 31379
- Patrick
======
Old man visiting his daughter sees a fly on the wall.
He asks his daughter to hand him a newspaper.
She says that these days we use an iPad instead of a newspaper.
Well, the tablet is now in a number of pieces but it did kill the fly.
Sent from my iPad using Mac-Forums
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2008
- Messages
- 1,227
- Reaction score
- 8
- Points
- 38
- Location
- UK
- Your Mac's Specs
- iMac 2.66 GHz 20", iPad Mini2 32GB, iPhone6 64GB, Watch Sport 42mm Black, iPad Air 2 128GB
A policeman phoned to say my wife was in Casualty.
I watched the programme all the way through but I didn’t see her.
I hope she gets home soon. I am so hungry.
Sent from my iPad using Mac-Forums
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2008
- Messages
- 1,227
- Reaction score
- 8
- Points
- 38
- Location
- UK
- Your Mac's Specs
- iMac 2.66 GHz 20", iPad Mini2 32GB, iPhone6 64GB, Watch Sport 42mm Black, iPad Air 2 128GB
She must feel a right t*t.
I assume the word will get censored.
Sent from my iPad using Mac-Forums
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2008
- Messages
- 1,227
- Reaction score
- 8
- Points
- 38
- Location
- UK
- Your Mac's Specs
- iMac 2.66 GHz 20", iPad Mini2 32GB, iPhone6 64GB, Watch Sport 42mm Black, iPad Air 2 128GB
I'm sorry Sly, but I seem to have forgotten already...
- Patrick
======I
One of what?
Sent from my iPad using Mac-Forums
- Joined
- Feb 1, 2011
- Messages
- 4,904
- Reaction score
- 2,908
- Points
- 113
- Location
- Sacramento, California
Subject: The Perfect Husband
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: “Hello”
WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
MAN: “Yes”
WOMAN: “I’m at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?”
MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”
WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2021 models. I saw one I really liked.”
MAN: “How much?”
WOMAN: “$65,000.”
MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $950,000.”
MAN: “Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000.”
WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you!”
MAN: “Bye, I love you, too.”
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.
Then he smiles and asks: “Anyone know whose phone this is?”
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: “Hello”
WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
MAN: “Yes”
WOMAN: “I’m at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?”
MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”
WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2021 models. I saw one I really liked.”
MAN: “How much?”
WOMAN: “$65,000.”
MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $950,000.”
MAN: “Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000.”
WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you!”
MAN: “Bye, I love you, too.”
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.
Then he smiles and asks: “Anyone know whose phone this is?”
- Joined
- Oct 16, 2010
- Messages
- 18,169
- Reaction score
- 1,914
- Points
- 113
- Location
- Brentwood Bay, BC, Canada
- Your Mac's Specs
- 2020 27" i9 5K nano iMac, 1TB(partitioned) SSD, GB, macOS 15.3.1 Sequoia
- Joined
- Feb 1, 2011
- Messages
- 4,904
- Reaction score
- 2,908
- Points
- 113
- Location
- Sacramento, California
Subject: Trust Your Husband
There comes a time when a woman just has to trust her husband. For example...
A wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can, leaving the covered bodies groaning in agony.
She then goes to the kitchen to have a drink.
As she enters the kitchen, she sees her husband sitting there, reading a magazine. "Hi, sweetheart," he says. "Your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello to them?"
There comes a time when a woman just has to trust her husband. For example...
A wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can, leaving the covered bodies groaning in agony.
She then goes to the kitchen to have a drink.
As she enters the kitchen, she sees her husband sitting there, reading a magazine. "Hi, sweetheart," he says. "Your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello to them?"
- Joined
- Feb 1, 2011
- Messages
- 4,904
- Reaction score
- 2,908
- Points
- 113
- Location
- Sacramento, California
It was raining hard and... a big puddle had formed in front of the little Irish pub.
An old man stood beside the puddle holding a stick with a string on
the end and jiggled it up and down in the water.
A curious gentleman asked what he was doing.
'Fishing,' replied the old man.
'Poor old bugger' thought the gentleman, so he invited the old man
to have a drink in the pub.
Feeling he should start some conversation while they were sipping
their whisky, the gentleman asked,
'And how many have you caught today?'
'You're the eighth' he said.
An old man stood beside the puddle holding a stick with a string on
the end and jiggled it up and down in the water.
A curious gentleman asked what he was doing.
'Fishing,' replied the old man.
'Poor old bugger' thought the gentleman, so he invited the old man
to have a drink in the pub.
Feeling he should start some conversation while they were sipping
their whisky, the gentleman asked,
'And how many have you caught today?'
'You're the eighth' he said.
- Joined
- Nov 28, 2007
- Messages
- 25,564
- Reaction score
- 486
- Points
- 83
- Location
- Blue Mountains NSW Australia
- Your Mac's Specs
- Silver M1 iMac 512/16/8/8 macOS 11.6
Great to see you back posting mate! 
Shop Amazon
We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon and affiliated sites.