Joke of the Day (Warning some jokes may cause laughter)!!! : )

[Randy B. Singer]

 

[Jonzjob]

Randy, you have just made my day mate

 

[Randy B. Singer]

 

[pm-r]

Bang on, and timely as we are having a provincial election this Saturday In BC. You Americans have your own political problems . Or should I mention The Main Problem???

Sure sounds familiar... Also known as Political B.S. if they aren't just complaining and not offering anything constructive and practical!!!!


- Patrick
=======

 

[Cr00zng]

Us, Americans having our own political problems? Nah.... In the two party system, where primary elections can be rigged, the national elections don't really matter. The fixes are in already...

 

[Randy B. Singer]

A couple were Christmas shopping. The mall was packed and as the wife walked around, she realized that her husband was not with her.

She was very upset as they had a lot to do and hence she became so worried that she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.
In a quiet voice, he said: “Do you remember the jewelers we went into about 5 years ago, where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn’t afford, and I told you I’d get it for you one day?”

The wife chocked up and started to cry, and said: “Yes I do remember that store.”

He replied: “I’m in the bar next door."

 

[Slydude]

That guy is going to be in the doghouse for a looong time.

 

[Jonzjob]

But he should be able to see out of both eyes when he gets out of hospital?

 

[IWT]

This joke is gently aimed at Randy, an Attorney at Law



Ian

 

[Randy B. Singer]

I actually collect attorney jokes. But I've heard all the old ones hundreds of times. I'll post some newer ones later.

 

[Randy B. Singer]

Top 10 Excerpts From Romance Novels Written by Lawyers

10. "Do it nunc! Nunc pro tunc!" she squealed.
"I love it when you talk dirty during oral argument!" he replied.

9. "Grrrrr," she thought, as she watched her noisy neighbor sunbathing, his broad shoulders glistening with sweat. "He's a nuisance, but he's an attractive nuisance."

8. "Thurston pulled her to him and quickly divested her of all defenses, both affirmative and otherwise."

7. Chapter 9.1104(b)(3)(C)(ii) -- The party of the first part, defined infra Chapter 1.001(a)(1)(A)(i), commingled with the party of the second part, defined infra Chapter 1.001(a)(1)(A)(ii), to the extent permissible by the limitations set forth in Appendix C.

6. "We joined with wild abandon, and though he often spoke eloquently and at great length, in this endeavor he was, sadly, quite brief."

5. "And as he strode up to her confidently, he knew, beyond all doubt, that she was above the legal age of consent."

4. Discovery was an entirely new process for the young associate. He moved to compel. She moved to quash. Three teleconferences, two mediations, two motions, an order to show cause and a settlement agreement later, she presented herself for inspection at his office, fully prepared to produce.

3. "She passionately objected to his advances. But with one judicious thrust, her plea was nolo contendere."

2. Yes, their time together was magical, passionate and ultimately satisfying in ways they'd never imagined. But it wasn't billable.

1. "Who cares what they think?" Grant said, putting a finger to her fleshy lips. "What happens between us is nobody else's business." Griswold v. Connecticut, 381 U.S. 479 (1965) [establishing constitutional right to privacy].

Her fulsome breasts heaved as she replied, "But ours is a forbidden love!" [N.J.S.A. 37:1-1] ["Certain Marriages Prohibited"].

"Hush. You know, Rebecca, I've always thought you had a beautiful face. Now," he said, loosening the straps of her dress, "habeas corpus."

 

[Jonzjob]

Randy, what language is that lot in.

A very good friend of mine was a solicitor and at weekends he was a lay preacher. I used to tell him that he solicited for a living and lay as a hobby. Just as well he had a good sense of humour. By the way. the above is true.

 

[Lifeisabeach]

Here's a lawyer one for ya, Randy (though I'd be surprised if you haven't seen this already):

 

[Randy B. Singer]

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are raking the yard.

The 6 year old asks, "You know what? I think it's about time we started learning to cuss." The 4 year old, as a follower of his older sibling, nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues, "When we go in for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with **** and you say something with ass."

The 4 year old smilingly agrees with enthusiasm.

When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, ****, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios. WHACK!

He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step.

His mom locks him in his room and shouts, “Such nasty language! You can stay there until I let you out!"

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"

"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your ass it won't be Cheerios!"

 

[Randy B. Singer]

THERE ARE A LOT OF JOKES ABOUT BLONDE FEMALES FLOATING AROUND THE INTERNET, SO, TO GIVE EQUAL TIME, HERE ARE A BUNCH OF JOKES ABOUT MEN!


______________________________ __________
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, 'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world...'
The woman replies, 'I'll miss you.......
______________________________ ___________
'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower. 'Honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
______________________________ ______
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumour
(The answer used to be “Gay”)
______________________________ ___________
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; and Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
(In support of domestic violence. Good one.)
______________________________ __________
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practising to be men.
______________________________ ___________
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
(Yeah, that or they are playing fun games.)
______________________________ ___________
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
______________________________ ___________
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the email folder 'Instruction Manuals'
______________________________ ___________

While creating husbands, God promised women that good and ideal husbands would be found in all corners of the world.........
......then He made the earth round, and laughed and laughed and laughed.

 

[lclev]

 

[lclev]

 

[lclev]

 

[IWT]

Neurotics build castles in the air. Psychotics live in them. And psychiatrists collect the rent.

Ian

 

[chscag]

Good one Ian.