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Joke of the Day (Warning some jokes may cause laughter)!!! : )
- Thread starter pigoo3
- Start date
A
Applescrumpy
Guest
Heard on BBC Radio 2 this morning on Tony Blackburn’s oldies show.
“Why do golfers always carry a spare pair of socks?
in case they get a hole in one!”
Now you see I credited it to someone else!
“Why do golfers always carry a spare pair of socks?
in case they get a hole in one!”
Now you see I credited it to someone else!
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A Greek and an Irishman were sitting in a Starbucks one day comparing their two cultures. Over a double latte, the Greek mentions: "We built the Parthenon, you may recall, along with the Temple of Apollo.”
"Aye, and it was the Irish that discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices.”
"But it was the Greeks who gave birth to advanced mathematics.”
"Granted, but it was the Irish who built the first timepieces.”
Knowing that he's about to deliver the coup de grace, the Son of Athens points out with a note of finality: "Keep in mind that it was the ancient Greeks who invented the notion of sex as a pleasurable activity!”
"Aye! True enough, but it was the Irish who got women involved.”
"Aye, and it was the Irish that discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices.”
"But it was the Greeks who gave birth to advanced mathematics.”
"Granted, but it was the Irish who built the first timepieces.”
Knowing that he's about to deliver the coup de grace, the Son of Athens points out with a note of finality: "Keep in mind that it was the ancient Greeks who invented the notion of sex as a pleasurable activity!”
"Aye! True enough, but it was the Irish who got women involved.”
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Subject: The Explorer
An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself, "Oh God, I'm screwed."
The sky darkens and a voice booms out, "No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you."
So he takes the stone and bashes the life out of the chief.
He’s standing above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and looking at 100 angry natives.
The voice booms out again, "Okay ..... NOW you're screwed."
An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself, "Oh God, I'm screwed."
The sky darkens and a voice booms out, "No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you."
So he takes the stone and bashes the life out of the chief.
He’s standing above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and looking at 100 angry natives.
The voice booms out again, "Okay ..... NOW you're screwed."
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- Location
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Four old Catholic men, and an old Catholic woman were having coffee, in St. Peter’s Square.
One of the men said “My son is a priest; when he comes into a room, the men all call him ‘Father.’”
Another man said “My son is a Bishop; when he enters a room, the men call him ‘your Grace.’”
The 3rd man said “My son is a Cardinal; when he walks into a room, the men call him ‘your Eminence.’”
The final man proudly said “My son is the Pope; when he comes into a room, men call him “your Holiness.’”
They looked at the woman, who slowly gave them a small smile. She said “My daughter is 26 years old, stands 5’8” tall, weighs 120 lbs, and has measurements of 38, 23, 36. When she walks into a room, all the men say ‘Jesus!’”
One of the men said “My son is a priest; when he comes into a room, the men all call him ‘Father.’”
Another man said “My son is a Bishop; when he enters a room, the men call him ‘your Grace.’”
The 3rd man said “My son is a Cardinal; when he walks into a room, the men call him ‘your Eminence.’”
The final man proudly said “My son is the Pope; when he comes into a room, men call him “your Holiness.’”
They looked at the woman, who slowly gave them a small smile. She said “My daughter is 26 years old, stands 5’8” tall, weighs 120 lbs, and has measurements of 38, 23, 36. When she walks into a room, all the men say ‘Jesus!’”
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A man is stranded on a desert island for 10 years…
One day he sees a beautiful woman in a swimsuit come ashore.
She says to him, "Tell me, how long has it been since you had a drink?"
He replies "Ten years" and with that she reveals a bottle of whiskey from within her swimsuit, which the man starts drinking from.
She then asks, "Tell me, how long has it been since you smoked a cigar?"
He replies "Again, 10 years" and with that she pulls out a cigar and lighter from within her swimsuit and he starts smoking.
She then seductively unzips her swimsuit and says, “Do you want to play around?”
He replies “What, you've got golf clubs in there?”
One day he sees a beautiful woman in a swimsuit come ashore.
She says to him, "Tell me, how long has it been since you had a drink?"
He replies "Ten years" and with that she reveals a bottle of whiskey from within her swimsuit, which the man starts drinking from.
She then asks, "Tell me, how long has it been since you smoked a cigar?"
He replies "Again, 10 years" and with that she pulls out a cigar and lighter from within her swimsuit and he starts smoking.
She then seductively unzips her swimsuit and says, “Do you want to play around?”
He replies “What, you've got golf clubs in there?”
- Joined
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A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic
garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped, and every once in
awhile, a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a Policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20
bills falling Out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and
see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer.."
"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. "Where did you get all that
money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to
the football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans come and
pee
through a knot hole in the fence, right into my flower garden. It used
to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know.
Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?' So, now, on game days, I
stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge
clippers. Every time some guy sticks his pecker through my fence, I
surprise him, Grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off
it comes.'
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck!
Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Well, you know", said the little old lady, "not everybody pays."
garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped, and every once in
awhile, a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a Policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20
bills falling Out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and
see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer.."
"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. "Where did you get all that
money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to
the football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans come and
pee
through a knot hole in the fence, right into my flower garden. It used
to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know.
Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?' So, now, on game days, I
stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge
clippers. Every time some guy sticks his pecker through my fence, I
surprise him, Grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off
it comes.'
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck!
Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Well, you know", said the little old lady, "not everybody pays."
- Joined
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Sister Margaret was a model nun all of her life, until she was called to get her just rewards. As she approached the pearly gates, Saint Peter said "Hold on, Sister Margaret...not so fast!"
"But I have been good all my life and dedicated to the work of the Lord. From the time I was taken in as an infant by the sisters at the convent to my dying breath... I have lived for this moment!" Sister Margaret exclaimed in disbelief.
"That is precisely the problem," replied St. Peter, "...you never learned right from wrong and to get into heaven, you must know the difference between right and wrong".
"Well, what can I do? I will do anything to get into heaven!" Sister Margaret pleaded.
"I am going to have to send you back down to Earth. When you get there, I want you to smoke a cigarette and call me when you are finished. We will discuss your situation then." ordered St. Peter.
Sister Margaret returned to Earth, smoked a Camel, and then immediately called St. Peter, coughing and hacking. "Saint Peter" she gasped, "I can hardly breathe, my mouth tastes terrible, my breath stinks, I feel dizzy, and I think I am going to throw up".
"Good!" replied the old saint, "Now you are finally getting a feel for right and wrong. Now go out tonight and drink some hard liquor and call me back when you are ready."
Sister Margaret phoned St. Peter immediately after taking several belts of Jack Daniels.
"Saint Peter, I feel woozy... that vile liquid burned my throat and nauseated me...it is all I can do to keep it down."
"Good...good! Now you are starting to see the difference between right and wrong," said St. Peter with delight.
"Tomorrow I want you to seek out a man and know him in the Biblical sense, and then call me."
A week passed before Sister Margaret called St. Peter and left a message:
"Yo, Pete...it's Peggy…It’s gonna be awhile!"
"But I have been good all my life and dedicated to the work of the Lord. From the time I was taken in as an infant by the sisters at the convent to my dying breath... I have lived for this moment!" Sister Margaret exclaimed in disbelief.
"That is precisely the problem," replied St. Peter, "...you never learned right from wrong and to get into heaven, you must know the difference between right and wrong".
"Well, what can I do? I will do anything to get into heaven!" Sister Margaret pleaded.
"I am going to have to send you back down to Earth. When you get there, I want you to smoke a cigarette and call me when you are finished. We will discuss your situation then." ordered St. Peter.
Sister Margaret returned to Earth, smoked a Camel, and then immediately called St. Peter, coughing and hacking. "Saint Peter" she gasped, "I can hardly breathe, my mouth tastes terrible, my breath stinks, I feel dizzy, and I think I am going to throw up".
"Good!" replied the old saint, "Now you are finally getting a feel for right and wrong. Now go out tonight and drink some hard liquor and call me back when you are ready."
Sister Margaret phoned St. Peter immediately after taking several belts of Jack Daniels.
"Saint Peter, I feel woozy... that vile liquid burned my throat and nauseated me...it is all I can do to keep it down."
"Good...good! Now you are starting to see the difference between right and wrong," said St. Peter with delight.
"Tomorrow I want you to seek out a man and know him in the Biblical sense, and then call me."
A week passed before Sister Margaret called St. Peter and left a message:
"Yo, Pete...it's Peggy…It’s gonna be awhile!"
- Joined
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- Location
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- Joined
- Feb 1, 2011
- Messages
- 4,904
- Reaction score
- 2,908
- Points
- 113
- Location
- Sacramento, California
A butcher is serving his customers when a stray dog comes in and starts barking.
The butcher is about to shoo him away when one customer says, "give him a few lamb chops".
The butcher agrees and puts some in front of the dog. The dog eats everything in front of him but is still hungry. He looks at the butcher and starts barking again.
The customer now says, "give him 5 pounds of the steak over there". The butcher puts a new bowl in front of the dog who, once again, eats everything in few minutes and starts barking again.
The customer now says, "I think he wants some ham". The butcher agrees and puts a large piece of ham in front of the dog. This time, the dog is content. He finishes eating and leaves with a smile.
The customer is about to leave as well when the butcher yells, "Hey, you haven't paid for the dog".
The customer says, "I never said I would pay for him, I was only translating."
The butcher is about to shoo him away when one customer says, "give him a few lamb chops".
The butcher agrees and puts some in front of the dog. The dog eats everything in front of him but is still hungry. He looks at the butcher and starts barking again.
The customer now says, "give him 5 pounds of the steak over there". The butcher puts a new bowl in front of the dog who, once again, eats everything in few minutes and starts barking again.
The customer now says, "I think he wants some ham". The butcher agrees and puts a large piece of ham in front of the dog. This time, the dog is content. He finishes eating and leaves with a smile.
The customer is about to leave as well when the butcher yells, "Hey, you haven't paid for the dog".
The customer says, "I never said I would pay for him, I was only translating."
- Joined
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- Location
- Sacramento, California
A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich. The barman looks at him and says… “Hang on! You're a duck!”
"I see your eyes are working.” replies the duck.
"And you can talk!!” exclaims the barman.
"I see your ears are working, too.” says the duck. "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"
"Certainly. Sorry about that.” says the barman, as he pulls the duck's pint. "It's just, we don't get many a ducks in this pub. What are you doing around this way?"
"I'm working on the building site across the road” explains the duck. "I'm a plasterer."
The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck, and wants to learn more. But takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it. The duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, pays up, bids the barman a good day and leaves.
The same thing happens for two weeks.
Then one day the circus comes to town. The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him "You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"
"Sounds marvelous!” says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. "Get him to give me a call."
So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."
“Swell. I’m always looking for the next job.” says the duck. "Where is it?"
"At the circus.” says the barman.
"The circus?" repeats the duck.
"That's right.” replies the barman.
"The circus??” the duck asks again "...with, the big tent?”
"Yeah.” the barman replies.
"With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?" asks the duck.
"Of course.” the barman replies.
"And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.
"That's right.” says the barman.
The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says… "What the f___ would they want with a plasterer?!?!”
"I see your eyes are working.” replies the duck.
"And you can talk!!” exclaims the barman.
"I see your ears are working, too.” says the duck. "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"
"Certainly. Sorry about that.” says the barman, as he pulls the duck's pint. "It's just, we don't get many a ducks in this pub. What are you doing around this way?"
"I'm working on the building site across the road” explains the duck. "I'm a plasterer."
The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck, and wants to learn more. But takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it. The duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, pays up, bids the barman a good day and leaves.
The same thing happens for two weeks.
Then one day the circus comes to town. The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him "You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"
"Sounds marvelous!” says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. "Get him to give me a call."
So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."
“Swell. I’m always looking for the next job.” says the duck. "Where is it?"
"At the circus.” says the barman.
"The circus?" repeats the duck.
"That's right.” replies the barman.
"The circus??” the duck asks again "...with, the big tent?”
"Yeah.” the barman replies.
"With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?" asks the duck.
"Of course.” the barman replies.
"And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.
"That's right.” says the barman.
The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says… "What the f___ would they want with a plasterer?!?!”
- Joined
- Feb 1, 2011
- Messages
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- Points
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- Location
- Sacramento, California
A man is in court. The Judges says,"on the 3rd August you are accused of killing your wife by beating her to death with a hammer, how do you plead?"
"Guilty", said the man in the dock.
At this point a man at the back of the court stood up and shouted "You dirty rat!"
The Judge asked the man to site down and to refrain from making any noise.
The Judge continued "..... and that also on the 17th September you are accused of killing your Mother in law by beating her to death with a hammer, how do you plead"?
"Guilty", said the man in the dock.
Again the same man at the back stood up and shouted even louder, "You dirty rotten stinking rat"!!
At this point the Judge called the man to the bench and said, "I have already asked you to be quiet, if you continue with these outbursts, I will have to charge you with contempt of court. I can understand your feelings, but what relationship have you to this man?"
He replied "He is my next door neighbor".
The Judge replied, "I can understand your feelings then, but you must refrain from any comments".
The man replied "NO, your Honor, you don't understand. Twice I have asked if I could borrow a hammer, and BOTH TIMES he said he didn't have one"!!!
"Guilty", said the man in the dock.
At this point a man at the back of the court stood up and shouted "You dirty rat!"
The Judge asked the man to site down and to refrain from making any noise.
The Judge continued "..... and that also on the 17th September you are accused of killing your Mother in law by beating her to death with a hammer, how do you plead"?
"Guilty", said the man in the dock.
Again the same man at the back stood up and shouted even louder, "You dirty rotten stinking rat"!!
At this point the Judge called the man to the bench and said, "I have already asked you to be quiet, if you continue with these outbursts, I will have to charge you with contempt of court. I can understand your feelings, but what relationship have you to this man?"
He replied "He is my next door neighbor".
The Judge replied, "I can understand your feelings then, but you must refrain from any comments".
The man replied "NO, your Honor, you don't understand. Twice I have asked if I could borrow a hammer, and BOTH TIMES he said he didn't have one"!!!
- Joined
- Sep 16, 2008
- Messages
- 3,574
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- 618
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- Location
- Canada
A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest.The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.He opened his newspaper and began reading.After a few minutes the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, “Say, Father, what causes arthritis?”“Mister, it’s caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man.”“Well, I’ll be damned,” the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized.“I’m very sorry.I didn’t mean to come on so strong.How long have you had arthritis?”“I don’t have it, Father.I was just reading here that the Pope does.”
- Joined
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- Location
- Canada
It was a small plane; it only seated 8 passengers. The engine began sputtering, about an hour into the flight, and the pilot turned to his passengers. There are 8 of you, and only 8 parachutes on board. I have one, for myself. You’ll have to decide who gets the other seven.
There was a Boy Scout, an old doctor, two ladies, a married couple, their child, and a man.
The man grabbed a rig from the overhead rack, stuck his arms through the straps, said “I’m the smartest man in the world; I just CAN’T die! He opened the door, and jumped.
The others looked at each other, and the old doctor said “I’m eighty years old, amd have lived a full life. You can all have the rest of the parachutes.
The Boy Scout said “No need; the smartest man in the world just jumped out with my backpack!”
There was a Boy Scout, an old doctor, two ladies, a married couple, their child, and a man.
The man grabbed a rig from the overhead rack, stuck his arms through the straps, said “I’m the smartest man in the world; I just CAN’T die! He opened the door, and jumped.
The others looked at each other, and the old doctor said “I’m eighty years old, amd have lived a full life. You can all have the rest of the parachutes.
The Boy Scout said “No need; the smartest man in the world just jumped out with my backpack!”
- Joined
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- Location
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One day, farmer Jones was in town picking up supplies for his farm. He stopped by the hardware store and picked up a bucket and an anvil. Then, he stopped by the livestock dealer to buy a couple of chickens and a goose. However, he now had a problem: how to carry all of his purchases home.
The livestock dealer said, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"
"Hey, thanks!" the farmer said, and off he went.
While walking he met a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked,
"Can you tell me how to get to 1515 Mockingbird Lane?"
The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.
The little old lady said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and ravish me?"
The farmer said, "Holy smokes lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"
The lady said, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."
The livestock dealer said, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"
"Hey, thanks!" the farmer said, and off he went.
While walking he met a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked,
"Can you tell me how to get to 1515 Mockingbird Lane?"
The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.
The little old lady said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and ravish me?"
The farmer said, "Holy smokes lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"
The lady said, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."
- Joined
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- 28
You may be aware that a certain 'rivalry' exists in Ireland between those of the Catholic and Protestant persuasions.
Well, Paddy was on his deathbed and he calls to his wife, 'Bernadette! Go and fetch the local vicar - I want to convert to protestantism.' And off she goes.
On the way there, she meets the family priest and tells him about Paddy's plan. And with that, he races to Paddy's house and climbs the stairs to his bedroom.
'Paddy, Paddy!' says the priest, 'What's this I hear? You've been a good Catholic all your life and now on your deathbed you want to convert. Why Paddy, why?'
'Well, Father,' says Paddy. 'I figured it this way. If someone's got to go, it's better it's one of them than one of us.'
Well, Paddy was on his deathbed and he calls to his wife, 'Bernadette! Go and fetch the local vicar - I want to convert to protestantism.' And off she goes.
On the way there, she meets the family priest and tells him about Paddy's plan. And with that, he races to Paddy's house and climbs the stairs to his bedroom.
'Paddy, Paddy!' says the priest, 'What's this I hear? You've been a good Catholic all your life and now on your deathbed you want to convert. Why Paddy, why?'
'Well, Father,' says Paddy. 'I figured it this way. If someone's got to go, it's better it's one of them than one of us.'
- Joined
- Feb 1, 2011
- Messages
- 4,904
- Reaction score
- 2,908
- Points
- 113
- Location
- Sacramento, California
At Friday night services, Morris went to his friend Irving and said, "Irving, I need a favor -- I'm sleeping with the rabbi's wife. Can you hold him in the temple for an hour after services for me?"
Irving was not very fond of the idea, but being Morris' lifelong friend, he reluctantly agreed. After services, he struck up a conversation with the rabbi asking him all sorts of stupid questions in an effort to keep him occupied. After some time, the wise rabbi became suspicious and asked, "Irving, what are you really up to with all this?"
Irving, filled with feelings of guilt and remorse, confessed to the rabbi, "I'm sorry Rabbi, my friend Morris is sleeping with your wife right now and asked me to keep you occupied.”
The rabbi smiled and, putting a brotherly hand on Irving's shoulder, said "Irving I think you'd better hurry home, my wife died two years ago."
Irving was not very fond of the idea, but being Morris' lifelong friend, he reluctantly agreed. After services, he struck up a conversation with the rabbi asking him all sorts of stupid questions in an effort to keep him occupied. After some time, the wise rabbi became suspicious and asked, "Irving, what are you really up to with all this?"
Irving, filled with feelings of guilt and remorse, confessed to the rabbi, "I'm sorry Rabbi, my friend Morris is sleeping with your wife right now and asked me to keep you occupied.”
The rabbi smiled and, putting a brotherly hand on Irving's shoulder, said "Irving I think you'd better hurry home, my wife died two years ago."
- Joined
- Aug 31, 2021
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- 1
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- Points
- 1
The peg legged Pig
A salesman driving the backroads of Kentucky noticed a old farmer rocking on his front porch, his feet propped up on the black and pink back of a large snoring Hampshire Hog.
He gave a friendly wave and started to pass on by, but suddenly braked and pulled into the yard, got out a strolled over for a closer look.
Salesman: Nice looking pig!
Farmer: That he is, smart too . . . smartest pig I’ve ever raised
Salesman: Noticed he has a wooden leg. Never seen that before
Farmer: This pig is so smart, I swear he can almost talk
Salesman: I can imagine . . . why the wooden leg?
Farmer: Last month I was pulling stumps and tractor overturned, pinned me down. Pig saw it, ran squealing for help
Salesman: (nodding his head) That’s really—
Farmer: Then, last week, my wife fell in the creek, and she don’t swim so good, probably would have drowned, but pig here, he waded in and pushed her to shore
Salesman: Wow!
Farmer: That’s nothing—three nights ago, house caught afire. We’d have burned up for sure. Pig rushed in, woke us up and led us out through the smoke
Salesman: (staring reverently at the heroic swine) Brother! I agree, that is one smart and special pig
Farmer: Exactly! You wouldn’t eat a pig like that all at once, would you?
A salesman driving the backroads of Kentucky noticed a old farmer rocking on his front porch, his feet propped up on the black and pink back of a large snoring Hampshire Hog.
He gave a friendly wave and started to pass on by, but suddenly braked and pulled into the yard, got out a strolled over for a closer look.
Salesman: Nice looking pig!
Farmer: That he is, smart too . . . smartest pig I’ve ever raised
Salesman: Noticed he has a wooden leg. Never seen that before
Farmer: This pig is so smart, I swear he can almost talk
Salesman: I can imagine . . . why the wooden leg?
Farmer: Last month I was pulling stumps and tractor overturned, pinned me down. Pig saw it, ran squealing for help
Salesman: (nodding his head) That’s really—
Farmer: Then, last week, my wife fell in the creek, and she don’t swim so good, probably would have drowned, but pig here, he waded in and pushed her to shore
Salesman: Wow!
Farmer: That’s nothing—three nights ago, house caught afire. We’d have burned up for sure. Pig rushed in, woke us up and led us out through the smoke
Salesman: (staring reverently at the heroic swine) Brother! I agree, that is one smart and special pig
Farmer: Exactly! You wouldn’t eat a pig like that all at once, would you?
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