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Joke of the Day (Warning some jokes may cause laughter)!!! : )

Slydude

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I didn't think it was humorous and would like to keep any kind of politics out of these forums even if meant as a joke.

Thanks.
FWIW I'll second that.
 
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I didn't think it was humorous and would like to keep any kind of politics out of these forums even if meant as a joke.

Thanks.

Hmmm...??? I saw it as truthful and rather sad, but I guess it did have a bit of US political overtones to it. :Smirk:

And I try to avoid politics and religion based stuff...




- Patrick
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chscag

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LOL, "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly". Probably one of the best spaghetti westerns ever made! :)
 
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A minister, a rabbit, and a priest walk into the bar.

The bartender asks the rabbit ‘what’ll you have?’.

The rabbit replies ‘I dunno, I’m only here because of autocorrect’
 
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A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap. Politely she declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.
He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.

"Okay," says the lawyer," your turn." She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. No answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress. No answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.00.

The blonde says, "Thank you," puts her head on the pillow and goes back to sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
 
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Morris, an 87 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.

A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

The next day, the doctor called Morris and asked, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'

Morris replied, 'Yep, just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''

The doctor corrected him. 'I didn't say that.'
I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'
 
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Is there room here for another lawyer joke...???

A Mafia Don finds out that a deaf guy who works for him has embezzled 10 million dollars from him.

The Don decides to whack the embezzler, but first he needs his money back. So he grabs the guy and locks him in a room for questioning. The Don brings a lawyer with him that knows sign language, and tells the lawyer, "Tell this guy that I know he stole from me and I want it back!"

The lawyer signs this, and when the prisoner frantically responds the lawyer tells the Don, "He says he doesn't know what you're talkin' about boss."

The Don pulls out a gun and presses it against the prisoner's head and tells the lawyer, "Yeah? Well, now tell him what's gonna happen if he doesn't figure out what I'm talkin' about!"

The lawyer translates this and the embezzler signs, "Okay! Okay! You got me! I put all 10 million in cash and buried it behind my cousin Enzo's shed in Queens! Now let me live!"

So the lawyer translates to the Don, "Boss, he says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger!"


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