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Joke of the Day (Warning some jokes may cause laughter)!!! : )
- Thread starter pigoo3
- Start date
- Joined
- Sep 30, 2007
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- 9,962
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- Location
- The Republic of Neptune
- Your Mac's Specs
- 2019 iMac 27"; 2020 M1 MacBook Air; macOS up-to-date... always.
Sylvester Stallone says he wants to make a movie about classical music.
He says, “I will be Beethoven.”
Jean Claude Van Damme says, “I’ll be Mozart.”
Arnold Schwarzenegger said, “C’mon guys, don’t make me…”
He says, “I will be Beethoven.”
Jean Claude Van Damme says, “I’ll be Mozart.”
Arnold Schwarzenegger said, “C’mon guys, don’t make me…”
- Joined
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Did you not mean include all he had to say say: “C’mon guys, don’t make me say it…??? ;-)
- Patrick
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- Joined
- Sep 30, 2007
- Messages
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- Location
- The Republic of Neptune
- Your Mac's Specs
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- Joined
- Sep 16, 2008
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A WOMAN was flying from Melbourne to Brisbane ...
Unexpectedly, the plane was diverted to Sydney.
The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft the plane would re-board in 50 minutes..
Everybody got off the plane except one lady who was blind.
A man had noticed her as he walked by and could tell the lady was blind because her Seeing Eye Dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of her throughout the entire flight.
He could also tell she had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached her, and calling her by name, said, 'Kathy, we are in Sydney for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?'
The blind lady replied, 'No thanks, but maybe Max would Like to stretch his legs.'
Picture this:
All the people in the gate area came to a complete standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a Seeing Eye dog!
The pilot was even wearing sunglasses.
People scattered.
They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines!
True story...
Unexpectedly, the plane was diverted to Sydney.
The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft the plane would re-board in 50 minutes..
Everybody got off the plane except one lady who was blind.
A man had noticed her as he walked by and could tell the lady was blind because her Seeing Eye Dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of her throughout the entire flight.
He could also tell she had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached her, and calling her by name, said, 'Kathy, we are in Sydney for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?'
The blind lady replied, 'No thanks, but maybe Max would Like to stretch his legs.'
Picture this:
All the people in the gate area came to a complete standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a Seeing Eye dog!
The pilot was even wearing sunglasses.
People scattered.
They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines!
True story...
- Joined
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- Courtenay, BC Canada
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At the risk of getting serious, I get huge headaches and will eventually fall asleep if I am around our wifi modem for more than 15 minutes. Then the hangover from it is not nice so nothing transmits in our house, no wifi, BT, Cell phones, cordless land lines, nothing.Gee, I guess we are much luckier here in Canada as they seem to have all the dangerous EMF Wireless sources under control and regulated:
Wi-Fi equipment: Everyday things that emit radiation - Canada.ca
Wi-Fi equipment is increasingly found around us and used to wirelessly communicate data. About the radiation they emit, health risks and minimizing your exposure.www.canada.ca
I thought the UK also had it all under control as well.
But your SMBO may want to give serious consideration to switching and only using Wireless Bras and you may want to avoid using any metal protection in your jockstraps.
Both can act as antennas around those personal areas with unknown effects, except for the fact that using Wireless bras can help prevent breasts from sagging which apparently comes with age among other things.
- Patrick
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Two old guys, one 80 and one 82, were sitting on a park bench one morning. The 82-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn’t even short of breath. The 80-year-old was amazed at the guy’s stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.
The 82-year-old said, “Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you’ll have great sex with the ladies.”
So, on the way home the 80-year-old stopped at the bakery. As he was looking around, the sales lady asked if he needed any help.
He said, “Do you have any rye bread?”
She said, “Yes, there’s a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?”
He said, “I want five loaves.”
She said, “My goodness, five loaves! By the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it’ll be hard.”
The old man says to himself, “I can’t believe everybody knows about this rye bread but me.”
The 82-year-old said, “Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you’ll have great sex with the ladies.”
So, on the way home the 80-year-old stopped at the bakery. As he was looking around, the sales lady asked if he needed any help.
He said, “Do you have any rye bread?”
She said, “Yes, there’s a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?”
He said, “I want five loaves.”
She said, “My goodness, five loaves! By the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it’ll be hard.”
The old man says to himself, “I can’t believe everybody knows about this rye bread but me.”
- Joined
- Dec 30, 2022
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- 63
- Location
- Somerset, England
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- Mac Mini M1 (8gb Memory / 500 gb Hard drive) Running Sonoma 14.0
Two friends sitting in the pub drinking, one says to the other "I have just done a silent but deadly fart, what should I do", the friend replies "get your hearing aid batteries changed"
- Joined
- Sep 16, 2008
- Messages
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- 610
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- 113
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- Canada
A lawyer parks his brand-new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues.
As he's getting out of the car, a semi-trailer comes flying along too close to the curb and takes off the door before speeding off.
Distraught, the lawyer grabs his cell and calls the Police. Five minutes later, the police arrive.
Before the officer has a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer starts screaming hysterically,
"My Porsche, my beautiful silver Porsche is ruined! No matter how long it's in the shop, it simply will never be the same again!"
After the lawyer finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his head in disgust.
"I can't believe how materialistic you bloody lawyers are," he says. "You lot are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else in your life."
"How can you say such a thing at a time like this?" snaps the lawyer.
The policeman replies, "Didn't you notice your arm was torn off?"
The lawyer looks down in horror. He screams,
"Oh my God, where's my Rolex?"
As he's getting out of the car, a semi-trailer comes flying along too close to the curb and takes off the door before speeding off.
Distraught, the lawyer grabs his cell and calls the Police. Five minutes later, the police arrive.
Before the officer has a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer starts screaming hysterically,
"My Porsche, my beautiful silver Porsche is ruined! No matter how long it's in the shop, it simply will never be the same again!"
After the lawyer finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his head in disgust.
"I can't believe how materialistic you bloody lawyers are," he says. "You lot are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else in your life."
"How can you say such a thing at a time like this?" snaps the lawyer.
The policeman replies, "Didn't you notice your arm was torn off?"
The lawyer looks down in horror. He screams,
"Oh my God, where's my Rolex?"
- Joined
- Sep 16, 2008
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- 113
- Location
- Canada
A trucker came into a Truck Stop Cafe' and placed his order. He said I want three flat tyres, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.' The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, 'This guy out there just ordered three flat tyres, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards..... What does he think this place is an car parts shop?'
'No,' the cook said. 'Three flat tyres mean three pancakes; a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up; and a pair of running boards... are 2 slices of crisp bacon!
'Oh... OK!' said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.
The trucker asked, 'What are the beans for, Blondie?'
'She replied, 'I thought while you were waiting for the flat tyres, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up! ....
'No,' the cook said. 'Three flat tyres mean three pancakes; a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up; and a pair of running boards... are 2 slices of crisp bacon!
'Oh... OK!' said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.
The trucker asked, 'What are the beans for, Blondie?'
'She replied, 'I thought while you were waiting for the flat tyres, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up! ....
- Joined
- Oct 30, 2008
- Messages
- 47
- Reaction score
- 28
- Points
- 18
- Your Mac's Specs
- iMac 2013 27" stuck forever on Catalina
- Joined
- Dec 30, 2022
- Messages
- 655
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- 344
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- 63
- Location
- Somerset, England
- Your Mac's Specs
- Mac Mini M1 (8gb Memory / 500 gb Hard drive) Running Sonoma 14.0
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