What's in your 'PASTE'?

[walmartconnect]

From: After Action NCO
To: Marines Who Want Out So Bad They Can Taste It

Subj: 2007 July Drill (Company B, 4th CEB)

1. Drill was held from Friday, July 20 to Sunday, July 22. In attendance were Marines from B Company, 4th CEB. The following are training specific items that took place.

Training: Early (read: unnecessary) Muster

Results: B Co. Marines were ordered to report for drill at 1800 on Friday. Friday musters are generally reserved for field drills, unless referring to a B Co. drill in which logically, Marines should be pulled from their CivDiv lives as much as possible.

Recommendation: Muster for every drill shall kick off immediately following final formation of the previous drill.


Training: Service Charlies Inspection

Results: B Co. Marines all donned their service charlie uniform for a very close inspection. Company First Sergeant First Sergeant Goodfred inspected each Marine thoroughly and discovered a surprising fact: Marines are fat and never wear their uniforms, therefore they will look like ****. It was also discovered that males can indeed produce their own version of a camel toe, simply add one part tight boot camp trousers and two parts Lcpl Serpas-Diaz, MA.

Recommendation: ALWAYS force Marines to stand at attention for extended periods of time, it's good for them (Chesty says so).


Training: Awards

Results: Letters of Commendation, Navy Crosses, and Letters of Appreciation were all issued to Marines for outstanding performance in the line of duty while forward deployed to Iraq--err, I mean, Camp Lejeune approximately 3 weeks prior. These awards included "Good job on...doing your job," and "Good job on...not being a tool."

Recommendation: Wait until every Marine that deployed during OIF-III has EASed before issuing all of their earned awards (pending since 2005).


Training: Lcpl Any-Mouse Saves the Day

Results: Marines of B Co. were pleasantly surprised to discover that billeting would be in the Howard-Johnson (**-Jo) instead of the typical locale: B Co. Drill Deck. An anonymous telephone call to the Roanoke County Fire Marshall by said Lcpl Any-mouse earlier in the day concerning the safety violations of a company of marines sleeping in a gymnasium seemed to have paid off well.

Recommendation: (1a), Lcpl Any-mouse shall be issued a NAM for providing B Co. with real, instead of notional, billeting for the first time in over 6 months. (1b), Lcpl Any-mouse shall be NJP'd for doing what is best for Marines and making incompetent I&I look bad. (2), The Howard-Johnson hotel shall be led to believe that they will eventually receive payment from the Marine Corps Reserve for housing Marines for as long as it takes for them to realize that the money will never come.


Training: Drunk Lights-Out

Results: Marines took advantage of their own mini-fridges by becoming plastered 6 hours before duty.

Recommendation: None.

Training: Morning Muster, Movement to the "Field"

Results: Headquarters Platoon lost a senior Lance Corporal of Marines to the fact that drill is gay. Said Marine professionally informed his acting platoon commander on the previous night that he "Was tired of this ****" and never coming back.
At 0800, the busses arrived to transport B Co. to the field, destination: the Marine Corps Museum, Quantico. En route to the museum, all of B Co. fulfilled their requirement for meritorious promotion by listening to books-on-cassett versions of several Commandant's Reading List selections. Marines used the modified sleeping/listening method to gain knowledge from said books.

Recommendation: Meritoriously promote all Lance Corporals of B Co to Staff Sergeants, as they successfully listened to Band of Brothers on cassette.


Training: Change Over

Results: B Co Marines were welcomed by Quantico's OCS rifle range where they changed into charlies in the same gym in which they were forcefully ejected from only four months prior. A hasty inspection was then performed onside in the dirt where squad leaders were charged with pulling on the strings hanging from Marines' buttons, thereby removing buttons and making said Marines unserviceable for museum visits.

Recommendation: Marines should stop at the Quantico Rifle range prior to every drill to relive the horrors of Arctic Survival Training, held in March 2007 (see the 2007 March Drill AAR: http://vt.facebook.com/top
ic.php?uid=2208827873&topi
c=2346&pwstdfy=e42aff49309
bc11debcc95c9269f948f).

Training: Museum

Results: Marines were treated to a surprisingly cool Marine Corps Museum. Even completely moto-inverted Marines (Lcpls Purdy and Blackwell) were impressed and temporarily happy to be in the Marine Corps. When asked by civilians if Marines of B Co. were "real marines", they were met with the appropriate response of "No, we're just JROTC."

Recommendation: The Marine Corps Museum, Quantico shall charge an admission price of $50 so that the Howard-Johnson Hotel (**-Jo) can receive payment for housing Marines.


Training: Movement to the Rear

Results: Marines successfully arrived back at the drill center from the field. Marines were promptly released to the hotel to get hammered hours before duty, once again.

Recommendation: Why can't all formations end reasonably fast?


Training: "SURPRISE" Urinalysis

Results: A random-urinalysis was performed on Marines of B Co Sunday morning. Marines were given the privilege of urinating in front of other Marines while in their service charlie uniform. AAR NCO popped for moto, but was unfortunately not discharged.

Recommendation: Stop performing **** tests, they're only funny to write about for so long.


Training: Sunday Drill Shuffle

Results: Marines practiced their DSS (Drill Survival Skills) throughout the day as SRBs were audited (again), gear was drawn for inspection and subsequently stowed without ever being inspected, and slide shows with pictures of Iraq were presented to educate Marines that people are trying to kill them.

Recommendation: SRBs shall be audited once a day during every drill.


2. Weekend BA/M Rating: Lesser Badass.
3. The next drill will be August 4, 2007.
4. Point of Contact is SSgt Millette: Recon-Admin I&I.

Sorry, I had my entire column for July in my copy-paste

 

[iKitten]

ʇɥıs ʇǝxʇ ɥɐs qǝǝu ɟlıddǝp qoʇɥ ıu ʇɥǝ ɥoɹızouʇɐl ɐup ıu ʇɥǝ ʌǝɹʇıɔɐl

(was quoting Macwillis)

 

[Thorin]

Sync output at J22. Trainer is out of configuration to compensate: the cable that is supposed to be on J22 is on J21. The one for J21 is on J18. The H timing is off on J18 causing bad phasing on the lower right quadrant of the mfd repeater at OSS IOS.

 

[clem13]

http://luminatii.deviantart.com/art/Return-To-Sender-40097080

 

[skye]

http://www.yourmacstore.com/shop/shopdisplayproducts.asp?Search=Yes&sppp=10

 

[kman445]

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0438315/

 

[nukemm]

I've got nothin'...

 

[rman]

61653

 

[Weird Fish]

http://www.waccoe.co.uk/uploads/photo-1822.jpg

 

[kman445]

wow, i completely forgot about this thread,,,


My Super cool city i know you want to visit to help my city be the biggest city in the world

haha ^thats what was in my paste.

 

[mac0s9user]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=clrJkAguQTU

(just messaged kman as a matter of fact)

 

[rman]

http://docs.info.apple.com/article.html?artnum=75186 9.2.2

 

[appleisgreat]

who knows...

well, nothing is in my paste. not kidding

 

[Fallooza]

Sir Mix-a-Lot

 

[dtravis7]

This is still in my paste from pasting it to a friend who hates the new Mac. Great post DB!

I love threads like this... it was only announced 24 hours ago and people are already wondering what they can upgrade on it.

Reminds me of this:

On the morning of Steve Jobs’s keynote presentation, the online Apple store grinds to a halt as Mac-heads set their browsers to refresh every 15 seconds.

Apple iCEO Steve JobsSteve Jobs spends the first half-hour of his keynote crowing about how many iPods shipped during the previous six months and how many “native applications” have been developed for OS X. Attempting to appear as though it’s just an afterthought, he finally introduces the new Apple product. The product has sleek, clean lines, a diminutive form factor, and less than half of the useful features that everyone was expecting. Jobs announces that the product is available “immediately.”

The haters offer their assessment. The forums are ablaze with vitriolic rage. Haters pan the device for being less powerful than a Cray X1 while zealots counter that it is both smaller and lighter than a Buick Regal. The virtual slap-fight goes on and on, until obscure technical nuances like, “Will it play multiplexed Ogg Vorbis streams?” become matters of life and death.

Rage reigns in the Mac forums. Lifelong Mac users who would never consider purchasing anything made by Microsoft or Dell, regardless of how shabbily Apple treats them, vent their anguish and frustration. Failing utterly to see the irony of the situation, they prattle on until their panties are twisted in knots.

Nerd porn threads appear in the Mac forums. Some lunatic with too much time and money on his hands disassembles the new device down to the bare, soldered components and posts pictures.

The obligatory “I’m waiting for Rev. B” discussion appears in the Mac forums. People who’ve been burned by first-generation Apple products open up their old wounds and bleed their tales of woe. Unsympathetic technophiles fire back with, “if you can’t handle the heat, stay out of the kitchen”. Everyone has this stupid argument for the twenty-third time.

A minor, rarely occurring flaw in the device begins to be discussed in the Apple support forums. Whiny, artistic types post lengthy diatribes about how this terrible design flaw has made the device unusable and scarred them emotionally. Electronic petitions are created demanding that Apple replace the devices for free, plus pay for counseling to help traumatized users overcome their emotional distress.

Weeks before most users are able to hold Apple's new gadget in their hands, "What features would you like in the next version?" discussions take place on Mac mailing lists. Mac-heads cook up droves of far-fetched, often bizarre ideas. A cursory reading makes it readily apparent why Apple executives pay no attention to their fanatical customers.

Apple releases the first software update for the new device through its Software Update control panel. Several hours later, it pulls the updater. A small number of people who applied the update experience crashes, data loss, headaches and ennui. The Apple support forums are filled with outraged posts. A day or so later, Apple releases a revised installer without comment, then quietly removes the angry posts from its support forums.

Somebody starts a thread on a Mac chat board that asks whether anyone knows of a way to use the new device with some other nerd toy in a way that makes no sense whatsoever.

 

[Leukeh]

http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/59487927/

 

[MegaRoss]

An email address which i'm obviously not going to post.

 

[Khaiyrah]

'the OS was tidy and easy...too easy almost felt like vista'

oh.. haha.. I was copying a part of a conversation i had with a ignorant windows fan boy when he was describing to me how he found his friends mac to use... the person which i pasted it to was equally as shocked and insulted as I was

 

[walmartconnect]

00:1E:52:8E:02:A3

I've been investigating bandwidth hogs on our network

 

[iLindzo]

"Team Smash Team Lose"


Haha. I have no idea....