Right Mikeo:
this is what you can do. Open iTunes. Attach your iPad (iPhone) via USB. After it shows up in iTunes as mounted - Go to Applications and click on "Image Capture" to open it.
This will give you a list of devices attached. Highlight your iPad (or iPhone, whatever). Bottom left you will see "Connecting this iPad/iPhone Opens: and underneath there is a drop down list. It probably says iPhoto at the moment. From the list, choose "No Application".
This does as the name implies: when you connect your iPad it will appear in iTunes but otherwise nothing else happens.
You will have to carry out this action for each device separately. If you don't see the "Connecting this iPad Opens", then click on the small disclosure triangle bottom left corner to show this.
You will also notice, bottom left-of-centre "Import To". This could be set to iPhoto or whatever you choose depending on the application you most often use. But nothing will import till you open said application because you have already instructed the system not to connect automatically to any application as outlined above.
I find this most helpful with my iPhone. I may have photos on it, but when I connect to iTunes that's all it does. I may back up first or download PDFs or songs. Only if and when I'm ready, do I manually open iPhoto and there are my photos waiting to be imported.
Hope this helps. Come back if I've been less than clear in my suggestions.
Ian