Quotable Quotes

[hughvane]

•Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
•Customer: "I'm running Windows '98."
Tech Support: "Yes."
Customer: "My computer isn't working now."
Tech Support: "Yes, you said that."
•I've been known to scrub toilets, but I don't do Windows.
•Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.
•According to the latest official figures, 43% of all statistics are totally worthless.

 

[eric]

half of these are just jokes!

so here's another...

did you hear about the zen buddhist who ordered a hot dog? he wanted the guy to make him one with everything.

 

[hughvane]

half of these are just jokes!

Oh, shame on me! You're right, I got a little O-T, so back to actual quotes. Dorothy Parker remains one of my favorites, so in honor of her remarkable wit I include the following:
•I might repeat to myself slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound - if [only] I can remember any of the **** things.
•I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true.
•If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
•This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
•She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B.

Next episode ... W C Fields!

 

[dinkjs]

There is only one quote I remember and it is worth it

"It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at him"
Jack Handy

 

[McBie]

My absolute favorites ...

- Everything should be made as simple as possible but not one bit simpler.

- Tomorrow there can't be a crisis, my agenda is already full.

- There is only one thing worse than being talked about and that is not being talked about.

- There are 2 types of people ... those who have reliable backups and those who will.

and most important ..... Carpe Diem.

Cheers

 

[hughvane]

From W C Fields ... you were warned!

•Horse sense is a good judgement which keeps horses from betting on people.
•Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age of eighteen.
•A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
•Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
•I never drink water because of the disgusting things fish do in it.

 

[hughvane]

Okay, last one from me, and then I'll let the thread go .....
"Before you condemn the path a man treads, walk a mile in his moccasins. That way, if anything goes wrong, you're a mile away and you've got his moccasins!"

 

[TinyEric]

640K is more memory than anyone will ever need.

I believe that Bill Gates made this classic statement?

 

[justpassinthru]

"You can get a hummer in a Jeep, but you can't get a Jeep in a Hummer". - justpassinthru.

"I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol". - Steven Wright.

 

[baggss]

half of these are just jokes!

so here's another...

did you hear about the zen buddhist who ordered a hot dog? he wanted the guy to make him one with everything.

That was in a movie I saw. I'm amazed at how may folks don't get it!

The 8 scariest words in the English language are "I'm from the government, I'm here to help"."

-Ronald Reagan

 

[TinyEric]

“To alcohol... The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.” (Homer Simpson)

 

[xj6jaguar1985]

"Only 1 in 10 people know that the bird is the word."
-Peter Griffin.