I can't type on it.
My hands are just too big for the tiny crowded buttons. I keep pressing the wrong key, especially between O and P. I can barely muddle through if I take two or three times longer than I really should.
Dude... seriously now, was it any easier on your "dumb" phone? Just what do you expect with the size of the iPhone's screen? If it's this difficult for you, then use a bluetooth keyboard dock. It's not going to get better. Ever. The screen size is the limiting factor and making the keys bigger would mean only having half the letter keys available at a time. THERE IS NO WAY AROUND THIS!!!!!
Siri is worse than useless.
I have tried and tried and tried literally dozens of times to tell Siri what to do and it has not gotten it right even once. Not. Even. Close.
Not even close!
Not once. My accent is NOT that thick, usually it's barely noticeable. I'm actually quite articulate. Yes, it's awkward talking to a machine, especially such a brick stupid one, but I have an IQ of 135 and I've watched Star Trek since I was twelve
. I should be able to figure this out. I know a guy who has an iPhone and he flat out gave up on Siri entirely and permanently. Another friend of mine has Google Now on his phone and has no trouble with it at all that I've seen.
I've not used Google Now, but I agree on Siri. It's horrible. I try to use it for dictation once in a while and it NEVER gets what I say right.
Changing anything is an epic struggle
that usually involves calling tech support or an HOUR on Google looking for a fix or at least a workaround. That's right, Google has literally been more helpful in figuring out what little I have than Apple has. I can't get anything set up properly. Just setting up Mail at all was even harder than it was on the six year old Macbook (which is saying something) and I have to add contacts manually one at a time, which given the input issues is a serious pain. I can't get Siri to stop using Microsoft's shoddy Bing and always use Google instead. Stuff like that.
Uh, what? Why aren't you syncing your contacts from your MacBook? And setting up Mail is hard? I just don't get that. If you are having a specific problem, you should ask.
And I agree on Bing. It's a horrible service. Actually... the recent lousy search results I've had from Siri suddenly make sense now. I forgot they switched the search engine on that. But there's a workaround:
How to use Siri to search Google instead of Bing | iMore
I can't do simple things
like attach files to an email. I have to bring up the app that generated the file, hunt down the file, then link that to an email and send the files one at a time.
You can send multiple files at once just fine, although it doesn't appear you can SELECT more than one at a time. Just keep adding one at a time till you are done. Although Apple should let you choose more than one at a time if multiple choices are right there.
No Caller ID?
Really? Really? On a $65/mo SMARTPHONE? Isn't this a basic general function of any phone these days? Seriously, ***?
Ok, this is just nonsense. You either turned it off in your settings, or your carrier doesn't support it for some bizarre reason.
And the kicker: NO MUSIC.
I am a HUGE music fan. Being able to play a tremendous selection of music anywhere anytime was THE #1 REASON I got a smartphone. Seriously. I consider Spotify and Pages the two most important apps of all. I never did get Spotify to work on the Macbook, only the web player, which is acceptable but far from ideal as it doesn't have the same functionality. I cannot get Spotify to work on the iPhone in any way shape or form. I cannot get ITUNES to work on the iPhone for crying out loud! I barely got Pandora to work at all which I guess is better than nothing but I'm paying $10/mo for Spotify Premium for a reason. Let me guess, Apple is messing with Spotify because they want us to pay triple for iTunes. Am I getting warm?
More nonsense. Both Spotify and iTunes work just fine. You should elaborate on what your exact problems are. How does one "barely" get Pandora to work?
All this in a device that will be completely obsolete by the end of a two year contract, when I will just have to buy a new one.
You don't HAVE to buy a new one after 2 years. Lots of people, including many regulars here, are on smartphones (yes, even iPhones) older than 2 years.