Buying an engagement ring that looks like a diamond..

[rpmgatech]

OK. So I am about to buy an engagement ring to propose to my girlfriend (she is the one by me in my avatar) of 5 years, but I don't want to blow a large wad of cash on a diamond. It is not that I am cheap ... I am a grad student, so I am poor. And she would kill me if she found out I spent a ton of money on her ring ... we have had conversations about this before. She has stated clearly to me that she would rather me save my money and use it on a down-payment for our first house.

So I have looked around for diamond simulants and have found plenty of scam artists, as expected (diamond nexus labs, etc.), and have found some decent alternatives. After much searching, I have come to realize, once again, "there is no such thing as a free lunch," but there are some pretty good simulants such as cubic zirconia and moissanite. I just don't know what to do about this whole situation (what type of stone to get, where to look, etc.)

What I would like to ask you all out there in Mac Forums world is for suggestions on what I should do/buy. It would be great if you could draw from personal experience. Any comments or advice would be much appreciated.

I figured I would post it here because you have been able to help me so much with my Mac, and I would like to see what type of advice I can get from you on jewelry...

Thanks

 

[mathogre]

The expectation for an engagement ring is that the stone will be a diamond. I think it is fine not to go the diamond route if that's something on which you both agree.

I think you both need to decide what you want for an engagement ring. Getting the wrong thing would be very easy without her input. There are some gorgeous gemstones available to you, but they're no good if she's unhappy with it. Regardless of what it is, she's going to keep it throughout the years. If you're going a bit untraditional, the manner in which you give it can also be a bit untraditional.

Propose to her, and work together to get her engagement ring. Will it be a gold band? Silver? Platinum? Titanium? Yes I know a couple who have titanium wedding bands; a titanium engagement setting could be excellent in the right situation. Solitaire setting, or multiple stones?

And what about the stone? You needn't go synthetic. You can go natural. Ruby, emerald, sapphire. Topaz, garnet, opal, even pearl. What kind of cut, faceted, or cabochon? Going away from a diamond opens your options greatly! Still, it must be something the both of you will see as special and meaningful.

Here's a link to get you thinking.

http://www.gemstone.org/

Good luck to you, and best wishes to the both of you!!!!!!

 

[rpmgatech]

Thanks for the advice.

As for what I know ... she wants a solitaire with a thick band, she wants white gold, and she is not too picky about the cut ... she likes round, princess, cushion ... but definitely NOT heart.

She is in approval of getting a diamond simulant and she likes colorless gemstones ... but I will definitely talk to her about a colored option.

 

[mikeyman]

if its a engagement ring dont spend all your money
look at a cubic zirconia rock instead, cant tell the difference unless you look at the receipot.
A nice selection of rings *joke*

Also try shopping channel such as qvc and what you are looking for might come up

 

[rpmgatech]

lol ... i like the selection.

yea i am thinking cz...

 

[rman]

I purchased my ring from Robbins Bros. They will have both the real diamond and the cubic zirconia. Just propose to her like mathogre suggested and then take her to pick out the ring she likes. I found that way easier for me. I purchased the cubic zirconia first and came back later and traded it on and upgrade to a diamond.

 

[ToddG]

My advice, for what it's worth, would be to buy a ring as she described with a small -- but real -- diamond in it. Now, I don't know your fiancee-to-be and perhaps she'd rather a big fake gem than a little real one. If so, disregard my advice. The current trend to measure a man's love by the size of the diamond he buys is ridiculous and I'm betting your girlfriend doesn't subscribe to that.

I proposed to my wife back when we were in college and the diamond on her ring is so small you might miss it if you glance too quickly. :ninja: It had always been my intention to remove the stone and have it set into a new ring with more/bigger diamonds for an anniversary at some point but ... she won't let me. She doesn't care whether her engagement ring has a smaller stone than all her friends'. She cares that I gave it to her fifteen years ago.

 

[rpmgatech]

Yea, good idea. I am gonna find out what she wants. That is a really nice story by the way.

 

[mac57]

I did something a little unusual in this regard I guess. An engagement ring is a big deal, and your future wife will wear it for a long time to come. I made the assumption that I could never pick out such a thing for her and get it exactly right - BUT, I wanted a ring to propose with. I was taking her away on a vacation and wanted to bring the ring with me.

SO, I went out and got a ring with a cubic zirconia (speling?) on it that looked like what I thought she would want, and used it. I was quite upfront with her afterwards about what it was - just a placeholder until we got home, and then we could pick out her permanent ring together.

She loved it! In fact, I was close to right - the final ring she picked out looks almost the same as the "placeholder", although it has a real (and smaller!) diamond in it. She still treasures the "placeholder" and wears it regularly.

So, there is another option to consider...

 

[Lisa]

I like mac57's idea. As a girl who is not materialistic, I still wouldn't want a fake. I'd rather have something small but real...and of course I would tell my fiancee that I didn't want him to spend a lot of $$ on me. We may not WANT you to, but that doesn't mean we wouldn't LIKE it. It's an ENGAGEMENT RING...something that girls dream about from when they are little.

When my hubby and I got engaged we did so without a ring. He gave me a hope chest, and the ring came later when we had the money. We've been married 17 years.

 

[eric]

my wife and i talked about this quite a bit. neither of us like the traditional idea of a diamond, and even more so neither of us liked the traditional idea of "the man" buying a ring for "his soon to be wife".

to us the idea seemed far out of date, and materialistic from both sides:
woman>man - i need to to prove to me you can provide for me.
man>woman - i need you to be mine and wear something so others know this to be true, uh, but i don't need that sort of ownership, um, right... honey?

we bought two identical bands of tri-gold with a nice design we both liked. we both wore them as engagement rings and then re-presented them to each other on our wedding day.

now every day wherever i am i can look at it and know that she is wearing the same ring, that it was a bond and a choice we both shared, and continue to share completely.

 

[Lisa]

Eric, that is very cool.

 

[mac57]

Excellent eric - a wonderful and very personal solution to an age old "problem". Well done!

 

[eric]

thanks guys!

after writing that and rereading it, i'm getting a little misty. will have to share this with my wife.

 

[Sachsr1]

I will second the matching bands idea, and on one of your anniversarys in a few years you can blow a ton of money that'll have with you masters degree. Any woman that tells you you can save money on her engagment ring to help save for your future deserves a rock as big as a boulder sometime in her life.

 

[Cherokee]

One word describes your girlfriend... "KEEPER"!

 

[rpmgatech]

I know this is an old thread, but I just wanted to thank each one of you for sharing those personal experiences with everyone. Thanks for the advice. As always, I can depend on you to give me some form of direction and a basis upon which I can make decisions. Thank you.

As for the update ... she ended up pushing me pretty strongly in the direction of getting her a ring with a gemstone called moissanite. Moissanite is a diamond look-alike that doesn't get cloudy like cubic zirconia and is almost as hard as a diamond. It is "double refractive," meaning it has twice the amount of fire that a regular diamond has. I have the ring now and it is beautiful.

Also, I know that she wasn't just being nice about making me not spend as much money because she has some major gripes with the entire diamond industry as a whole. She was explaining to me about the blood diamonds and how buying diamonds funds warlords in Africa. Also, she said that buying so-called "non-blood diamond" at places such as Tiffany and Co. does not necessarily exempt you from funding the killings in Africa. Oh well ... just wanted to give you all an update.

Thanks!!

 

[johntalin]

Great post about your fiancee. She is a very conscientious person. Sometimes it is hard to do the right thing, and she did it in this case. Congrats!

 

[Teacherof3]

My ring has a CZ

It sounds like your girlfriend has two things in mind: she is practical and wants to put the money towards a home, and she would like to have a ring on her finger that is pleasing for her to look at. I did the same thing back 25 years ago with my husband. I picked out a lovely custom made wedding ring set from a jeweler that was supposed to be "set" with a loose diamond that you purchased from the jeweler. Instead, we bought a CZ. I have since owned many diamonds and CZs, and even mixed both together! It may be unthinkable to jewelers, but even they had to trouble telling which were which when it came to the smaller stones. Now we live in a gorgeous home (our third) and when my husband suggests buying me a big diamond, I say no! Why spend the money on that when no one can tell the difference? It sounds like your girlfriend might be a bit like me. And no, I did not want a "real" smaller diamond. And no, I am not materialistic. I'm a teacher who is practical. The sentiment to me is not in the ring itself, it is in the fact that my husband has treated me like a princess for our entire marriage. He is just as kind today as he was when we were dating. Best of luck to you!

 

[cadet311]

Wow. You guys all have easy girlfriends. I wish I had one that easy to please!