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  1. #286
    Joke of the Day (Warning some jokes may cause laughter)!!! :  )
    Lifeisabeach's Avatar
    Member Since
    Sep 30, 2007
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    The Republic of Neptune
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    8,398
    Your Mac's Specs
    27" 2019 iMac
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    Please verify and include the exact model/year of your Mac and OS X version number (available from "About This Mac", then "More Info" on the Apple menu).
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    Links: Onyx | Find Any File | Apple Hardware Test | How to test your hard drive | DetectX: Malware monitoring and removal | Uninstall MacKeeper
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    Lifeisabeach - Mac-Forums Member of the Month June 2009, Feb 2012, and March 2013.

  2. #287
    Joke of the Day (Warning some jokes may cause laughter)!!! :  )
    Randy B. Singer's Avatar
    Member Since
    Feb 01, 2011
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    Sacramento, California
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    2,055
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    A minister, a rabbit, and a priest walk into the bar.

    The bartender asks the rabbit ‘what’ll you have?’.

    The rabbit replies ‘I dunno, I’m only here because of autocorrect’
    Randy B. Singer
    Co-author of The Macintosh Bible (4th, 5th, and 6th editions)
    Mac OS X Routine Maintenance http://www.macattorney.com/ts.html

  3. #288
    Joke of the Day (Warning some jokes may cause laughter)!!! :  )
    IWT's Avatar
    Member Since
    Jan 23, 2009
    Location
    Born in Scotland, Worked in Scotland then England, Now live in Wales
    Posts
    6,567
    Your Mac's Specs
    iMac 5K Retina 27", August 2019, 3.6GHz Intel Core i9, Memory 32GB, 2TB SSD, macOS Mojave 10.14.6
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    22
    Third time lucky, Randy

    Ian
    Ian

  4. #289
    Joke of the Day (Warning some jokes may cause laughter)!!! :  )
    Randy B. Singer's Avatar
    Member Since
    Feb 01, 2011
    Location
    Sacramento, California
    Posts
    2,055
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    A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap. Politely she declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

    The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.
    He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa."

    Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

    The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

    The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.

    "Okay," says the lawyer," your turn." She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. No answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress. No answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.00.

    The blonde says, "Thank you," puts her head on the pillow and goes back to sleep.

    The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
    Randy B. Singer
    Co-author of The Macintosh Bible (4th, 5th, and 6th editions)
    Mac OS X Routine Maintenance http://www.macattorney.com/ts.html

  5. #290
    Joke of the Day (Warning some jokes may cause laughter)!!! :  )
    Randy B. Singer's Avatar
    Member Since
    Feb 01, 2011
    Location
    Sacramento, California
    Posts
    2,055
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    Morris, an 87 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.

    A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

    The next day, the doctor called Morris and asked, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'

    Morris replied, 'Yep, just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''

    The doctor corrected him. 'I didn't say that.'
    I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'
    Randy B. Singer
    Co-author of The Macintosh Bible (4th, 5th, and 6th editions)
    Mac OS X Routine Maintenance http://www.macattorney.com/ts.html

  6. #291
    Joke of the Day (Warning some jokes may cause laughter)!!! :  )
    Rod's Avatar
    Member Since
    Jun 12, 2011
    Location
    Melbourne, Australia and Ubud, Bali, Indonesia
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    5,948
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    2015 MacBook Pro Retina 13" macOSX 10.15.1
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    I get it.
    Don't be an April Fool: WORLD BACKUP DAY MARCH 31st

  7. #292
    Joke of the Day (Warning some jokes may cause laughter)!!! :  )
    pm-r's Avatar
    Member Since
    Oct 16, 2010
    Location
    Brentwood Bay, BC, Canada
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    Is there room here for another lawyer joke...???

    A Mafia Don finds out that a deaf guy who works for him has embezzled 10 million dollars from him.

    The Don decides to whack the embezzler, but first he needs his money back. So he grabs the guy and locks him in a room for questioning. The Don brings a lawyer with him that knows sign language, and tells the lawyer, "Tell this guy that I know he stole from me and I want it back!"

    The lawyer signs this, and when the prisoner frantically responds the lawyer tells the Don, "He says he doesn't know what you're talkin' about boss."

    The Don pulls out a gun and presses it against the prisoner's head and tells the lawyer, "Yeah? Well, now tell him what's gonna happen if he doesn't figure out what I'm talkin' about!"

    The lawyer translates this and the embezzler signs, "Okay! Okay! You got me! I put all 10 million in cash and buried it behind my cousin Enzo's shed in Queens! Now let me live!"

    So the lawyer translates to the Don, "Boss, he says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger!"


    .

  8. #293
    Joke of the Day (Warning some jokes may cause laughter)!!! :  )
    Randy B. Singer's Avatar
    Member Since
    Feb 01, 2011
    Location
    Sacramento, California
    Posts
    2,055
    Rep Power
    15
    Randy B. Singer
    Co-author of The Macintosh Bible (4th, 5th, and 6th editions)
    Mac OS X Routine Maintenance http://www.macattorney.com/ts.html

  9. #294
    Joke of the Day (Warning some jokes may cause laughter)!!! :  )
    Randy B. Singer's Avatar
    Member Since
    Feb 01, 2011
    Location
    Sacramento, California
    Posts
    2,055
    Rep Power
    15
    Randy B. Singer
    Co-author of The Macintosh Bible (4th, 5th, and 6th editions)
    Mac OS X Routine Maintenance http://www.macattorney.com/ts.html

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