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  1. #16
    Joke of the Day (Warning some jokes may cause laughter)!!! :  )
    RadDave's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IWT View Post
    Two Bob Monkhouse jokes. (For non-Brits, Bob Monkhouse was a household name in family comedy for over 50 years).

    When I told people that I wanted to be a comedian, they all laughed. Well, they're not laughing now!

    In much later life, he said this: I still get sex at 68. I live at number 70. It's a short walk.
    Reminds (in bold above) about a Furry Lewis story - he was an old Mississippi blues performer who was 'rediscovered in the 1960s, like many others.

    He was a guest on the Tonight Show in the '70s, and Johnny Carson asked if he was married, he replied, ''What do I need with a wife as long as the other man's got one.'' Johnny about fell off his chair! Dave
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  2. #17
    Joke of the Day (Warning some jokes may cause laughter)!!! :  )
    pm-r's Avatar
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    If I know anything about Louisiana, Sly, you were probably wondering how the Texan judges would fare in your part of the world.

    You are quite right Kevin, and Louisiana is certainly well represented on this list and oddly enough, the only one with Texas and the name is 9. Texas Pete, But it seems to be based out of: Winston-Salem, North Carolina.

    Power-ranking the 10 Best Hot Sauces on Earth
    The 10 Best Hot Sauces on Earth, Ranked - Thrillist

    Anyway the chili joke is still funny and I'm sure my son and son-in-law would love to be judges there and I'm sure it would probably be mild Chili to them.



    - Patrick
    ======

  3. #18
    Joke of the Day (Warning some jokes may cause laughter)!!! :  )
    RadDave's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pm-r View Post
    You are quite right Kevin, and Louisiana is certainly well represented on this list and oddly enough, the only one with Texas and the name is 9. Texas Pete, But it seems to be based out of: Winston-Salem, North Carolina.

    Power-ranking the 10 Best Hot Sauces on Earth
    The 10 Best Hot Sauces on Earth, Ranked - Thrillist
    Hey Patrick - my home town (also famous for Krispy Kreme donuts) - Texas Pete (and other subsequent Garner Foods products) is quite popular here - there is even a yearly downtown festival! Dave
    .
    Screen Shot 2019-05-17 at 12.12.03 PM.png
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  4. #19
    Joke of the Day (Warning some jokes may cause laughter)!!! :  )
    pm-r's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RadDave View Post
    Hey Patrick - my home town (also famous for Krispy Kreme donuts) - Texas Pete (and other subsequent Garner Foods products) is quite popular here - there is even a yearly downtown festival! Dave


    Sounds good Dave.

    I'll have to admit from my small experiences, but I don't think there are that many places in Canada that come close to the size and quality of BBQ cook-offs throughout the USA except maybe Alberta!! But I dare say you win with the amount and variety of BBQ sauces you have available. But a lot that we can buy up here are just too spicy HOT for my delicate mouth and stomach.

    Hey, I just discovered that Sriracha Sauce is not a brand but a type of sauce!!!
    What is Sriracha and Why is Everyone Talking About it?

    Enjoy that Winston-Salem Festival.


    - Patrick
    ======

  5. #20
    Joke of the Day (Warning some jokes may cause laughter)!!! :  )
    Randy B. Singer's Avatar
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    There was a very religious man. He prayed every day and never missed a religious event.

    One day a great flood came upon his country. When the waters were a couple of inches high all over the land, a man in a Jeep came and asked him to come along with him and evacuate. He refused and said: "I believe that god will save his servant from this oppression."

    He prayed all night to god. The next morning the water was a couple of feet high. A boat came by and the crew tried to take him with them. But he again refused to evacuate, saying that god would provide for him.

    By next morning the waters rose and he had to seek refuge on his roof. A helicopter came, threw down a ladder, and offered to take him to safety, but again he refused assistance.

    The waters continued to rise, and ultimately the religious man drowned.

    Once in heaven, the religious man cried:
    "Oh God! Why didn't you save me?"

    God's voice rumbled in answer:
    "YOU IDIOT! I SENT YOU A JEEP; I SENT YOU A BOAT; AND I SENT YOU A HELICOPTER!!!"
    Randy B. Singer
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  6. #21
    Joke of the Day (Warning some jokes may cause laughter)!!! :  )
    Randy B. Singer's Avatar
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    More lawyer humor!
    Randy B. Singer
    Co-author of The Macintosh Bible (4th, 5th, and 6th editions)
    Mac OS X Routine Maintenance http://www.macattorney.com/ts.html

  7. #22
    Joke of the Day (Warning some jokes may cause laughter)!!! :  )
    pigoo3's Avatar
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    There are sooo many good lawyer jokes out there. Thanks Randy.

    - Nick
    - Too many "beachballs", read this: Beachballs
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  8. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by pigoo3 View Post
    There are sooo many good lawyer jokes out there. Thanks Randy.

    - Nick


    And the joke about that is that the best and worst of the lawyer jokes are usually told by lawyers themselves, at least in my experience.


    - Patrick
    ======

  9. #24
    Joke of the Day (Warning some jokes may cause laughter)!!! :  )
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    Quote Originally Posted by pigoo3 View Post
    There are sooo many good lawyer jokes out there.
    Well...there definitely are a LOT of lawyer jokes out there. I can't say that a lot of them are good. Many of them are genocide jokes with the punchline simply being that the attorneys were killed. That's not terribly funny. (Having taken a folklore class, I can tell you that many of the latter jokes are recycled "Jew" jokes having to do with genocide. Not cool at all.)

    I've been collecting lawyer jokes now for over a decade. I just went through them and there are very few that I can post here. Most are at least mildly for adult audiences. So I'll probably stick with non-lawyer jokes here from now on.
    Randy B. Singer
    Co-author of The Macintosh Bible (4th, 5th, and 6th editions)
    Mac OS X Routine Maintenance http://www.macattorney.com/ts.html

  10. #25
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    Subject: Painting the Porch

    A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a 'handy-woman' and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

    'Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,' he said, 'How much will you charge me?'

    Delighted, the girl quickly responded, 'How about $50?'

    The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage.

    The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, 'Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?'

    He responded, 'That's a bit cynical, isn't it?'

    The wife replied, 'You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately.'

    Later that day, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

    'You're finished already?' the startled husband asked.

    'Yes, the blonde replied, and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.'

    Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her along with a ten dollar tip.

    'And by the way,' the blonde added, 'it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus.'
    Randy B. Singer
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  11. #26
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    pm-r's Avatar
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    Well...there definitely are a LOT of lawyer jokes out there. I can't say that a lot of them are good.
    As the saying goes:
    How many lawyer jokes are in existence?

    Only three. All the rest are true stories.
    Speaking of which:
    As the lawyer awoke from surgery, he asked, "Why are all the blinds drawn?"

    The nurse answered, "There's a fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think you had died."
    NOTE: After waking up in the recovery room after some serious surgery a year or so ago and having some bad anesthetic reactions and hallucinations, I can identify with that one!!!


    - Patrick
    ======

  12. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by Randy B. Singer View Post
    Well...there definitely are a LOT of lawyer jokes out there. I can't say that a lot of them are good.
    Of course not all of them are good...I've heard a lot of the bad one's too.

    The one's you've chosen are funny!

    - Nick
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  13. #28
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    Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

    Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

    We went up to him and said "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?" He ignored us and continued writing the ticket.

    I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres.

    So my wife called him a s__thead. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket.

    This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

    We didn't really care. We came into town by bus. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.
    Randy B. Singer
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  14. #29
    Joke of the Day (Warning some jokes may cause laughter)!!! :  )
    pigoo3's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Randy B. Singer View Post
    Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.
    Quote Originally Posted by Randy B. Singer View Post
    We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.
    Ahh man...that's a good one!

    - Nick
    - Too many "beachballs", read this: Beachballs
    - Computer seems slower than it used to? Read this for some slow computer tips: Speedup
    - Almost full hard drive? Some solutions. Out of Space
    - Apple Battery Info. Battery

  15. #30
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    chscag's Avatar
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    Yeah, that was a good one. Randy must have quite a collection of jokes.

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