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  1. #226
    Joke of the Day (Warning some jokes may cause laughter)!!! :  )

    Member Since
    Jul 21, 2016
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    Derby England.
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    Albert and George were sitting on a seat in the Old Folk's Home garden when Gladys, Who was celebrating her 100th birthday, decided to streak across the lawn as a celebration. She removed all her clothes and set off at an alarming rate across the grass as naked as the day she was born. Just after she passed in front of out two elderly men Albert said to George " Was that dearest Gladys racing across the grass just then". George replied "I think so - but she was going so fast for my eyes to be sure, but I have no idea what she was wearing but it really is in need of ironing".
    Last edited by sllewk; 05-15-2020 at 08:48 AM.
    You failed to prepare, now prepare to fail.
    Growing old is Inevitable -- Growing up is Optional!

  2. #227
    Joke of the Day (Warning some jokes may cause laughter)!!! :  )
    Slydude's Avatar
    Member Since
    Nov 16, 2009
    Location
    North Louisiana, USA
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    Nice to see you haven't lost your sense of humor Keith.
    I can wire anything directly into anything. Im the Professor

    Prof Hubert Farnsworth

    Mac-Forums Facebook page

  3. #228
    Joke of the Day (Warning some jokes may cause laughter)!!! :  )
    Randy B. Singer's Avatar
    Member Since
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    Randy B. Singer
    Co-author of The Macintosh Bible (4th, 5th, and 6th editions)
    Mac OS X Routine Maintenance http://www.macattorney.com/ts.html

  4. #229
    Joke of the Day (Warning some jokes may cause laughter)!!! :  )

    Member Since
    Jul 21, 2016
    Location
    Derby England.
    Posts
    250
    Your Mac's Specs
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    Paddy and Jock had been set on by the telecommunications company to plant telegraph poles, the foreman sent the off in separate directions and told to return at 17.00hrs. At the arranged time they returned and were asked how many poles they had planted; Jock reported fourteen but Paddy only two. The foreman started to accuse Paddy of not working hard enough as Jock had planted fourteen! Paddy oh yes it is easy really but have you seen how much he has left sticking out of the ground???

    Regards from Keith in Derby England.
    You failed to prepare, now prepare to fail.
    Growing old is Inevitable -- Growing up is Optional!

  5. #230
    Joke of the Day (Warning some jokes may cause laughter)!!! :  )

    Member Since
    Jul 21, 2016
    Location
    Derby England.
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    250
    Your Mac's Specs
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    Albert and George at the Old Folks Home were chatting and George said " Do you remember that stuff they used to put in your tea whilst in the Army?" "Yes I do " said Albert "and I will tell you here and now I think it is starting to work!"

    Keith in Derby England.
    You failed to prepare, now prepare to fail.
    Growing old is Inevitable -- Growing up is Optional!

  6. #231
    Joke of the Day (Warning some jokes may cause laughter)!!! :  )
    IWT's Avatar
    Member Since
    Jan 23, 2009
    Location
    Born in Scotland, Worked in Scotland then England, Now live in Wales
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    Ian

  7. #232
    Joke of the Day (Warning some jokes may cause laughter)!!! :  )
    Slydude's Avatar
    Member Since
    Nov 16, 2009
    Location
    North Louisiana, USA
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    Just what I needed at nearly 4:00 in the morning.
    I can wire anything directly into anything. Im the Professor

    Prof Hubert Farnsworth

    Mac-Forums Facebook page

  8. #233
    Joke of the Day (Warning some jokes may cause laughter)!!! :  )
    chscag's Avatar
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    Jan 23, 2008
    Location
    Keller, Texas
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    Definitely a good one Ian!

    And Sly:

    What are you doing up at 4:00 AM, a bit of insomnia? LOL.

  9. #234
    Joke of the Day (Warning some jokes may cause laughter)!!! :  )
    Slydude's Avatar
    Member Since
    Nov 16, 2009
    Location
    North Louisiana, USA
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    15,191
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    You bet. Louisiana has been on lockdown since mid-March and our school is doing the tele learning thing. Working from hime has really messed up my sleep patterns, I'm getting up abut 7 a.m. but only averaging about 4 hours sleep a night.
    I can wire anything directly into anything. Im the Professor

    Prof Hubert Farnsworth

    Mac-Forums Facebook page

  10. #235
    Joke of the Day (Warning some jokes may cause laughter)!!! :  )

    Member Since
    Jul 21, 2016
    Location
    Derby England.
    Posts
    250
    Your Mac's Specs
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    Mick and Paddy were outside the site foreman's hut waiting for an interview, Paddy was very nervous and asked Mick to go in first then he would have a clue as to what the questions were like. Mick came out and said "Dead easy, all he asks is who were the first man and woman on earth. Paddy had not got a clue - easy said Mick I will write it out on the back of your shovel. Paddy went in and was asked the standard question, Paddy looked at the back of his shovel and replied "Spear and Jackson".

    Keith in Derby England.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Paddy was walking across the market square and picking his nose ----- took the lining out of his cap!
    You failed to prepare, now prepare to fail.
    Growing old is Inevitable -- Growing up is Optional!

  11. #236
    Joke of the Day (Warning some jokes may cause laughter)!!! :  )

    Member Since
    Jul 21, 2016
    Location
    Derby England.
    Posts
    250
    Your Mac's Specs
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    Yesterday my wife purchased a new very trendy outfit and this morning she tried it on! She asked my opinion and I asked would she prefer the honest one or the one she wanted to hear. She said with lots of venom the honest one of course ----------I will contact you all again when I get out of Accident an Emergency, hopefully in about two weeks time!!!

    Keith in Derby England.
    You failed to prepare, now prepare to fail.
    Growing old is Inevitable -- Growing up is Optional!

  12. #237
    Joke of the Day (Warning some jokes may cause laughter)!!! :  )
    Randy B. Singer's Avatar
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    Subject: Rudeness vs Kindness


    I was in the McDonalds drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me honked at me; very upset because I was taking too long to pay.


    Wow.


    Take the high road, I thought to myself. So I paid for her food.


    As I moved up and she leaned out the window looking all crazy at me, because the cashier told her I paid for her food. She felt embarrassed.


    When I got to the second window to get my food, I showed them both receipts and took her food too. I paid for it, it was mine!


    Now she has to wait even longer. She learned today you just don't mess with us old people.
    Randy B. Singer
    Co-author of The Macintosh Bible (4th, 5th, and 6th editions)
    Mac OS X Routine Maintenance http://www.macattorney.com/ts.html

  13. #238
    Joke of the Day (Warning some jokes may cause laughter)!!! :  )
    Jonzjob's Avatar
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    Mar 30, 2010
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    Ex Nr Carcassonne S France. Now NW Wiltshire England
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    I wouldn't have thought of doing that Randy, but then again I wouldn't EVER go into any McDoDoos
    John.
    Never forget that you are unique, just like everyone else.
    http://johnamandiers.wix.com/johns-w-o-w-1
    MBP and iMac on High Sierra.

  14. #239
    Joke of the Day (Warning some jokes may cause laughter)!!! :  )
    Slydude's Avatar
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    Better be careful Randy. Next thing you know someone will pass a law against such behavior and you'll end up in the klink. I'd pass the hat among our members for bail money but if everyone else's bank account s like mine it might take a while.

    I can wire anything directly into anything. Im the Professor

    Prof Hubert Farnsworth

    Mac-Forums Facebook page

  15. #240
    Joke of the Day (Warning some jokes may cause laughter)!!! :  )
    IWT's Avatar
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    Born in Scotland, Worked in Scotland then England, Now live in Wales
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    Ian

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