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Thread: Jokes

  1. #106
    Jokes
    rman's Avatar
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    Cool Best Way to Die??
    Three old men were discussin' the ideal way of dying, the first man who was eighty years old said "I'd like to crash in a car going 80 MPH!" The second man who was eighty-five said "I'd like to crash in a plane going 400 MPH". The third man who was ninety-five years old said "I'd like to be shot by a jealous husband"

  2. #107
    Jokes
    rman's Avatar
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    Cool
    A man bought a coal mine and decided he needed to hire some people to run it for him. the first man he interviewed was a big man, so he said "I'll hire you to dig out the rocks and put them in the coal cart". The next man was a big man also, so he said "You're strong. so you'll bring the car from the back of the mine to the front" The next man was a very small, oriental man, so he said " Since you're not as big and strong, I'll put in charge of supplies"

    The man came back to the mine a few weeks later and found the first man digging out rocks and putting them in the cart. The second man was pushing the cart from the back of the mine to the front just as he was suppose to. Everything seemed fine until he noticed the oriental man was nowhere to be found. He ask the other men, "Where is the oriental guy?" And they said "Oh, he's way back in the mine" So the owner walked way back in the shaft, and suddenly the oriental man jumped out yelling "Supplies! Supplies!"

  3. #108
    Jokes
    rman's Avatar
    Member Since
    Dec 24, 2002
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    Cool
    70-year-old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with great results. Dr. Smith said, "George everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally? Emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself and have a good relationship with God?"

    George replied, "God and me are tight. We are so close that when I get up in the middle of the night, poof! The light goes on & I go to the bathroom and then poof! The light goes off!"
    "Wow," commented Dr. Smith, "That's incredible!"

    A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George's wife. "Thelma," he said, "George is just fine. Physically he's great. But I had to call because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! The light goes on in the bathroom and then poof! The light goes off?"

    Thelma replied, "Dammit! The son of a ***** has been pissing in the fridge again!"

  4. #109
    Jokes
    sKaD's Avatar
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    Sep 05, 2003
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    Keep em' comming rman :cool:

    sKaD

  5. #110
    Jokes
    MacAddikt's Avatar
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    Dec 30, 2002
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    A beautiful young woman about to undergo a minor operation is lying on a gurney in a hospital corridor awaiting the medical staff.

    A man in a white coat approaches her, lifts up the sheet, and visually examines her naked body. He walks away and confers with another man in a white coat. The second man then approaches the girl and performs the same examination.

    When a third man approaches her, she asks impatiently, “These examinations are fine, but when are you going to start the operation?”

    He shrugs and says, “Your guess is as good as mine, lady. We’re just here to paint the halls.”

  6. #111
    Jokes
    MacAddikt's Avatar
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    Why do they call it PMS?

    Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

  7. #112
    Jokes
    rman's Avatar
    Member Since
    Dec 24, 2002
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    Cool The Ballerina
    A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a bar.
    She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed
    to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a
    lady a drink?"

    The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down
    at the end of the bar, an owly-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on
    the counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!"

    The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She
    turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the
    same hairy armpit, and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"

    Once again, the same little owl-eyed drunk slapped his money down on
    the bar and said "Give the ballerina another drink!"

    The bartender approached the little owl-eyed drunk and said, "I
    say, old chap, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a
    drink, but why do you keep calling her the ballerina?"

    The drunk replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has
    to be a ballerina!"

  8. #113
    Jokes
    rman's Avatar
    Member Since
    Dec 24, 2002
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    Cool
    The CEO of Heineken, Budweiser and Guiness go to a bar. The Heineken guy asks for Heineken, the Budweiser guy orders a Budweiser and the Guiness guy takes a cup of tea. The Heineken guy asks the Guiness guy:
    - How come you ordered a tea?
    Guiness guy replies:
    - Well, if you guys aren't drinking beer, I won't take it either...

  9. #114
    Jokes
    rman's Avatar
    Member Since
    Dec 24, 2002
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    Cool
    The cocain addict, the LSD addict and the grass addict are sitting in the cell. The cocain guy sniffs up a street:
    - I'll tear apart these bars with my bare hands!
    The LSD guy licks up a stamp:
    - No, no, we turn to colorful butterflies and fly out from the cell!
    The guy on pot blows out the smoke:
    - Will do it later guys

  10. #115
    Jokes
    PowerBookG4's Avatar
    Member Since
    Jan 08, 2005
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    I have been a member here for how long? I never knew this place existed.
    My Website
    Blog
    I love my hosting company!
    I was on the M-F honor roll for Febuary:2006

  11. #116
    Jokes
    Graphite's Avatar
    Member Since
    Feb 25, 2003
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    this is from 02-25-2003 :biohazard I was just a baby then..

  12. #117
    Here's one which i lurve.

    Microsoft Works

    Heehee. XD

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