View Full Version : Abbott and Costello do computers

05-29-2007, 03:50 PM
You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on...

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on First?" might have turned out something like this:


ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.


COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.


COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?


COSTELLO: For my office?


COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?


COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?


(A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on "START".............

05-29-2007, 03:55 PM

i loved abbott and costello as a kid. :D

05-29-2007, 04:13 PM
Hahaha, that was great. I remember the first time I heard "Who's on First" was when a couple of my high school teachers performed the skit during a faculty talent show. It was hilarious :P

05-29-2007, 04:16 PM
i love the "whos on first" skit. i hav the video on my ipod

05-29-2007, 07:27 PM
Thanks - that was funny!

05-29-2007, 09:13 PM
LOL!!!! Grandma and my conversation.

Gramma: Hey Tom...I have a question about my computer.

Me: What is it?

Grandma: Windows Vista is giving me this crap about activation. What is this?

Tom: Oh, it's wanting you to activate your software.

Tom: Click "enter product key"

G: Alright, what should I put in here

T: *gives Vista product key*

G: Now I just have this spinny blue thing.

T: Give it patience, and it will come.

*20 minutes later*

T: Has it worked?

G: No.

T: Sorry Gramma, I have to go. Call me when it finishes, I can assure you it will.

*5 hours later*

G: I'm getting a bit concerned. My computer is getting really noisy, and I still have the weird blue thing.

T: Press and hold the power button until it shuts off.

G: Ok.

T: Did it work?

G: Yeah.

T: Good. Try turning it on again.

G: Now it's just sitting at this compaq screen.

*1 Hour Later*

G: Still at Compaq screen.

T: Weird. Try it again.

G: Still hanging.

T: Try inserting Install disks.

G: Alright, now what do I do.

T: *gives BIOS instructions*

G: Ok...

T: Want me to do this?

G: Yup. I didn't understand 99.9 % of the words you said.

The SATA port on her board had failed. There were 4, so I just plugged in to anoher port. I found this really funny though.

Brown Study
05-29-2007, 10:11 PM
Your grandmother says "crap" instead of baking oatmeal cookies and saying "land o' goshen?" if she nearly forgets they're in the oven?

05-29-2007, 10:21 PM