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<blockquote data-quote="coach_z" data-source="post: 406539" data-attributes="member: 5513"><p>you asked for our opinion so please dont be offended if i come off harsh on this one</p><p></p><p>you need more professional and proper use of words...eg "ooze" is not a good one at all....you are basically saying "this page sucks, but you should hire me anyway" does that sound appealing to an employer? no. </p><p></p><p>use positive re-inforcing words and terms such as, work in progress, proficient, familiar in....., im enthusiastic about, i love, and many many more....</p><p></p><p></p><p>this whole section is horrible! it starts with a sentence fragment followed by a double period. you want to show attention to detail, so make sure that every little detail you have down is perfect</p><p></p><p></p><p>a rewrite should have parts like this: i have been learning databases over the past few months (either in class or by book tell them how you been learning it) and blablabla. Several people(not friends) have filled it out and the publishing of the results to a webpage is still in development, i expect it to be published by (insert date).</p><p></p><p>I am extremely passionate about web design and wish to make it my life long commitment. (your next sentences then state that you have a difficult time finishing anything!) change them to something like: these are a few of my ideas which are waiting proper implementation on a website and before their launch need to be adapted to their specific environment. or something like that</p><p></p><p>ill move to content, some of the flash stuff was slow and im pretty sure i closed them all out(including your webpage) before anything really happened. i'd make all the links open a new window so that if they x out the flash they arent gone from your site. also finish them up, add some music, and speed up the pace of them all a bit.</p><p></p><p>i think the web section is your strongest point on the page, put it on top so they get "wow"'d by it first. Also, explain each category a bit more using technical terms appropriate to what you had to do. eg with the photo manip one where you added the dude, or girl. drop some bombs about multiple layers, shading, altering the colors, feathering, laso tool, and everything else you ahd to do to it to show that you arent just some hack throwin some stuff together with some guesswork.</p><p></p><p>i just noticed this as well. whats your name!???? your name should be on the very top in one million point font if you gotta. who are you? where you come from? how about a bio on yourself? you go to university? you have a degree? you workin on a degree? still in HS? i realized this when i saw your contact page. so say i want you to do some work, so i call your mobile phone....who do i ask for? "hey is that evoLewtion Designs guy there?"</p><p></p><p></p><p>long story short: its good, but it also needs some work</p><p></p><p>good luck on your journey brother</p><p>-chris</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="coach_z, post: 406539, member: 5513"] you asked for our opinion so please dont be offended if i come off harsh on this one you need more professional and proper use of words...eg "ooze" is not a good one at all....you are basically saying "this page sucks, but you should hire me anyway" does that sound appealing to an employer? no. use positive re-inforcing words and terms such as, work in progress, proficient, familiar in....., im enthusiastic about, i love, and many many more.... this whole section is horrible! it starts with a sentence fragment followed by a double period. you want to show attention to detail, so make sure that every little detail you have down is perfect a rewrite should have parts like this: i have been learning databases over the past few months (either in class or by book tell them how you been learning it) and blablabla. Several people(not friends) have filled it out and the publishing of the results to a webpage is still in development, i expect it to be published by (insert date). I am extremely passionate about web design and wish to make it my life long commitment. (your next sentences then state that you have a difficult time finishing anything!) change them to something like: these are a few of my ideas which are waiting proper implementation on a website and before their launch need to be adapted to their specific environment. or something like that ill move to content, some of the flash stuff was slow and im pretty sure i closed them all out(including your webpage) before anything really happened. i'd make all the links open a new window so that if they x out the flash they arent gone from your site. also finish them up, add some music, and speed up the pace of them all a bit. i think the web section is your strongest point on the page, put it on top so they get "wow"'d by it first. Also, explain each category a bit more using technical terms appropriate to what you had to do. eg with the photo manip one where you added the dude, or girl. drop some bombs about multiple layers, shading, altering the colors, feathering, laso tool, and everything else you ahd to do to it to show that you arent just some hack throwin some stuff together with some guesswork. i just noticed this as well. whats your name!???? your name should be on the very top in one million point font if you gotta. who are you? where you come from? how about a bio on yourself? you go to university? you have a degree? you workin on a degree? still in HS? i realized this when i saw your contact page. so say i want you to do some work, so i call your mobile phone....who do i ask for? "hey is that evoLewtion Designs guy there?" long story short: its good, but it also needs some work good luck on your journey brother -chris [/QUOTE]
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