Okay, guys. I called AppleCare today. Surprisingly, I didn't have to wait at all. I was immediately talking to a guy named Jason in Ontario. We talked about the snow for a while (apparently, Niagra Falls is expecting 20-25 cm of snow tonight, which I think is around 10 inches). Anyways...he led me through all the obvious things such as taking out the battery and unplugging the computer and holding down the power button for 10 seconds, resetting the PRAM, trying to get the switch inside the audio jack to switch back. Of course, I had already tried all of these things and more. He told me that I would need to visit my Apple Store. The drive, which normally takes 40 minutes, took me more than 2 hours, because of the snow.
It turns out that my problem was dust/dirt in the audio jack. They have a really cool machine that sends compressed air through an attachment that is shaped like an audio jack. I definitely don't have a tool like that in my tool box.
Thanks for reading this long post. Maybe some day, someone on here will have the same problem and benefit from my experience.
~Damien