MacBook Pro Display Recognition Problems

I have a Late 2009 MacBook Pro 13" with the 2.26 GHz CPU, 4Gb of RAM. I'm running Snow Leopard, fully updated.
For a while now I have been using it with multiple external displays including:
Older Formac LCD screen with DVI input at 1600x1200 resolution
Asus 22" Widescreen 1080p display VGA/DVI/HDMI input
Panasonic Viera plasma TV - HDMI input

I have a mini displayport to HDMI adapter and a HDMI to DVI adapter
Both displays with DVI input do work, but it is hit and miss and sometimes i have to unplug and reconnect multiple times before i get an image.
I have been completely unsuccessful with HDMI connections. The MacBook's screen will flash blue, but then it acts like there is no display connected and no image is displayed on the second monitor. When I unplug the monitor again, I get the blue flash again.

So far I have tried:

1. Resetting the PRAM
2. Backing up and removing display related plist files
3. Making sure I plug the monitors in AFTER waking up computer and unplugging BEFORE putting it to sleep.
4. Reinstalling snow leopard on a different hard-drive (got this to work ONCE on the Asus monitor with HDMI but then not ever again)
5. Going to Display Preferences and clicking "Detect Displays"
6. Scoring forums and google for solutions

I also brought it to the apple store. We managed to replicate the problem once with my adapter. Then, they somehow (to my intense frustration) got it to work every time with a Pioneer HDTV in the store. Of course, when I had it back at my house, the problem was still there. Seems like this would indicate that the adapter is not at fault.

So all of that goes to say that I have no clue what to do...

Can you plug the Asus into something else to change the resolution to one of the ones as listed as supported by the MBP - try that.

yeah that monitor is normally connected to another computer so I have tried changing resolution before connecting it to the MBP, but when it's connected to my macbook, i cant see it in display preferences so i cant change anything.