By Aayush Arya
I didn’t know Steve Jobs personally but anyone who infused life into an almost dead company and went on to become one of the most influential people in the world earns respect in my book. He was a divine man and had a heart of gold. His contributions to mankind will forever be etched… wait, what? Oh, he’s not dead? But wasn’t that his obituary I read on Bloomberg yesterday?
Yes, it was, and yes, he’s not dead. Take a deep breath. You OK there? Yeah, yeah, I promise—he’s alive and well and still making incredibly sexy and expensive products in Cupertino for you to throw wads of cash on. Promise!
It turns out that someone at Bloomberg was updating El Jobso’s obituary and accidentally hit the publish button which, surprisingly enough, does not mean “go back to the drafts section and stay there till 2455” (if you don’t think Jobs will live for at least five hundred years, you’re delusional).
Of course, they unpublished the thing in a hurry and issued a retraction stating that “An incomplete story referencing Apple Inc. was inadvertently published by Bloomberg News at 4:27 p.m. New York time today. The item was never meant for publication and has been retracted.” Apparently, several thousand Apple fanboys had already committed suicide by then1—but hey, at least Jobs lives on.
So, anyway, just to make it crystal clear, beyond a shadow of doubt, Steve Jobs is not dead. No, this is not like the time when he died on a cross and came back to life—that was, like, a totally different scenario.
