concerned father

I started drawing lines at about 8, and do respect my elders, good for you vuschejan

Texasmeat said:

not overprotective enough? Isnt he talking about bugging his daughter to find out what she's doing? That's not overprotective? I should have worded that better. More and more parents dont give a **** and the ones that do care are almost always overprotective with their kids.

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If a parent wants to find out what their children are doing, it is not being overprotective. It is called being a parent. It is their job to care and know about what their kids are doing. While I will agree that employing spyware on a computer is a bit extreme, versus just confronting the kid in conversation first, it is not being overprotective to wonder what your child is doing online. It is just being responsible.
That being said, I am leaning towards the majority of the group here in that I am having difficulty believing that this particular issue is 100 percent legit. It does sound more like a friend/boyfriend/weirdo wanting to spy on a person, rather than a concerned parent.
A true parent, in my opinion, would probably not have chosen a handle like "deathdealer". I am not saying that a concerned father should have to put "dad" or "parent" in the name, but "deathdealer" is obivously a poor choice if one is going to post a question such as this one, and want to be taken seriously.
A truly concerned parent would also not be as worried about the cost of such spying software. If you really wanted to know what was going on that badly, I would think that the $20 or so would be well worth it, especially if it could help save your kid from dangerous situations like drugs, stalkers and other questionable things.
All in all, I stll think the best and most effective approach would be to just talk to the teen. If it is that bad of a situation, he could take the laptop away, or at the very least restrict use of the internet to the point where he can at least be in the same room to supervise or monitor it. At the end of the day, the dad is still the parent. And whatever the parents say, no matter how much the teen may disagree, is the way it goes.

deathdealler said:

Wow.. i got more information on how to be a father than information on keystroke recorders.

for some reason my name suggests that I could not be a father hmm strange, I suppose it was the first thing that came to me.

Any way I'm not the greatest with computers and searched the Internet for free keystroke recorders for the mac, some said free but was not free a big runaround. I don't want to purchase something that I will only use for a couple of weeks to asses a situation.
I really don't want to get to personal about my situation but if any of you have great teen kid that STOPS TALKING TO YOU out of the blue I think you might understand.

I would appreciate some serious help.

thanks DD

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I am also a father of a 14 YO girl who uses AIM, Yahoo and MSN frequently. I'm just going to put this to you bluntly. Stop trying to be her friend. Search her computer and search her room if you have suspicions or are worried. YOU are the parent here, she is still a child. Have her log on to Yahoo with you present and then look at her account. Get her password from her and do not be afraid to log onto her account (from your Mac) while she is online and see what she is doing. Find out who these people are she chats with. If they are her school friends, cool. If they are random "peeps" she met on-line, ban them. You need to know what's going on. If she refuses to talk, refuses to give you the password or changes her username/password, then it is time to take the computer away, or at least seriously limit the amount of time she spends on-line, and make sure that time is not while she is locked in her room. She needs to know that you are paying attention, that you are aware, and that you are in charge. If she is doing nothing wrong then she won't have any problems. My daughter knows most of what I do, and doesn't like it. That's OK. You need to become more computer savvy than her. My daughter has gotten mad at me, accused me of invading her privacy (which I have) AND stopped talking to me for a while.

Sorry, I don't have info on keystroke loggers. I believe in the strait foreword approach for stuff like this. If she has done as you said above, SOMETHING is going on, and you need to find out what it is. The heavy handed approach doesn't always work, but sometimes it is needed.

an alternate idea to a keystroke recorder, if you have a mac other than the one your daughter is using, and they are in the same house, use apple remote desktop, you can view her screen, what shes doing and everything, even control her copmuter remotely.

.....

If her email account is in under the ISP you have (ie. [email protected]) you can call and get that information from AOL as long as you are the primary account holder and you know the account password on the primary account...Just a thought

You can spy on her with key recording software, but you will still have to confront her. She may feel violated that you infringed on her privacy. The spying is for your peace of mind. Confronting her with this evidence will only make her work harder to hide these things.Technology favors the young, they will always be one step ahead of us.
Time go low tech and talk to her, man-

Here's some advice... Don't use anything to get ot hack her password. Its just wrong and an invasion of privacy. I am a teen, (im 14), and if i was her and you stole my password, it would just make me mad, and cause a fight. Just dont try, ask her about it, and if she doesnt want to talk, don't make her. If she hasn't done anything majorly stupid before, then just trust her now. She probably wont be doing anything she doesn't want to. Just trust who shes talking to, and dont steal her password.

Sorry shaun89, but I completely disagree with you there.....

shaun89 said:

Here's some advice... Don't use anything to get ot hack her password. Its just wrong and an invasion of privacy. I am a teen, (im 14), and if i was her and you stole my password, it would just make me mad, and cause a fight. Just dont try, ask her about it, and if she doesnt want to talk, don't make her. If she hasn't done anything majorly stupid before, then just trust her now. She probably wont be doing anything she doesn't want to. Just trust who shes talking to, and dont steal her password.

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I'm 14 as well, and I completley disagree....

I was just giving my opinion. Its not my problem, do what ever you want.... Still think taking her password is a bad idea.

Oh well, its almost been a week... he might have solved it

Whatever you do DON'T spy on her. You will be breaking her trust in you, and she will be far less likely to ever be honest with you in the future. If you want to know what's going on. ASK! It is as simple as that. Fourteen is a hard age for girls. ****, her hormones alone can change her moods week to week. I'm a twenty-one year old well adjusted woman, thanks to my mother being open and honest with me. Give her a chance to come to you, and if she still doesn't then politely WITHOUT making accusations, ask her if she wants to talk about anything that is concerning her. Sneaking around, spying, and lying is no way to be a good father!

Yea... thats a better idea

somebody tell him how to check that email.

Texasmeat said:

not overprotective enough? Isnt he talking about bugging his daughter to find out what she's doing? That's not overprotective? I should have worded that better. More and more parents dont give a **** and the ones that do care are almost always overprotective with their kids.

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if i knew how, i'd tell you in a heartbeat.

that is what i am trying to do right now, find a way to put as much of a firewall around my daughter as i possibly can. NO, YOU CAN NO BE PROTECTIVE ENOUGH ON THE INTERNET. AND IF YOU DON'T PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN, YOU BETTER BELIEVE WHAT I AM TELLING EVERYONE OF YOU...

NOBODY, I DO MEAN NOBODY, WILL PROTECT THEM.

IF ANY OF YOU (AND I WOULDN'T CARE IF HE CALLED HIMSELF DARTH VADER) KNOW HOW TO HELP HIM CHECK THE EMAIL, TELL HIM.

deathdealler, try [email protected]
he is a certified mac tech for apple. you aren't invading her privacy. you just don't want anybody to hurt her. i'm passing this guy's name around since he helped me. he's honest, thorough, certified.

good luck.... and never forget, NOBODY has an opinion but you when it comes to protecting your child.

cee