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Schweb's Lounge Forum for general conversation, chit chat, or most topics that don't fit in another forum.

Might sound a bit daft, but can I ask for relationship advice here?


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iHarrison

 
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Or is that too OT, even for The Lounge?
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Post away dude...but remember...you get what you pay for!

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Kevriano

 
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Yes, but don't expect any man to explain women.

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pigoo3

 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kevriano View Post
Yes, but don't expect any man to explain women.
Of course we'll try...but probably still be wrong!

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iHarrison

 
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I really like the girl I always sit with in class at university - and, based on a conversation we had earlier today I am, in all humbleness, pretty sure now that she feels the exact same way about me. That's not the problem! I'd ask her out in a heartbeat if it weren't for the fact that...

I've already got a girlfriend, one who's been pretty-much taking me for granted & totally disregarding my feelings & success for a year now (persistently being insensitive about things from my past - I'm no emo, but we've all got stuff we'd rather not be reminded of - & seeing my studies as competition for my time, resenting that I have to go to class / do coursework / etc.)

I know the solution to that situation might sound like a no-brainer; but I'm reluctant, to say the least, to deal with the angry (& possibly violent, going by what I've heard about her past since getting with her) reaction of my current girlfriend to me breaking-up with her.

I don't want to miss my opportunity with the girl from class - who I, frankly, & perhaps obviously - like a lot more than my current girlfriend (&, in fact, a lot more than any girl I've ever gone out with, I'll admit to having "made do" with what I could find before, but this girl I really like) - but I don't need all the drama of a very messy break-up as I come to my final exams for this year...

How would you advise I proceed? If, indeed, you can think of advice for such a convoluted situation that I've managed to get myself into!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iHarrison View Post
I really like the girl I always sit with in class at university - and, based on a conversation we had earlier today I am, in all humbleness, pretty sure now that she feels the exact same way about me. That's not the problem! I'd ask her out in a heartbeat if it weren't for the fact that...

I've already got a girlfriend, one who's been pretty-much taking me for granted & totally disregarding my feelings & success for a year now (persistently being insensitive about things from my past - I'm no emo, but we've all got stuff we'd rather not be reminded of - & seeing my studies as competition for my time, resenting that I have to go to class / do coursework / etc.)
One of the oldest stories in the book.

Here's some advice from an "older-dude" (which probably won't help much)...get rid of both of them...and focus on your university studies. You probably won't marry either of them anyway!

- Nick

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You asked for advice and as was stated since it is free it is probably worth what you pay for it, but in my opinion the basis for any healthy relationship has to be honesty.
Making-do with someone you don't honestly care for and can't commit to does neither of you a service. How you go about it is another story but I can't see any positives for maintaining a fiction in your personal life.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Razormac View Post
You asked for advice and as was stated since it is free it is probably worth what you pay for it, but in my opinion the basis for any healthy relationship has to be honesty.
Making-do with someone you don't honestly care for and can't commit to does neither of you a service. How you go about it is another story but I can't see any positives for maintaining a fiction in your personal life.
Ok...I'll be serious for a moment. You know how lots of relationships are...sometimes you stick with them because it's better than nothing...but if something else came along...you would jump into it in a heartbeat.

@iHarrison...this is what your situation sounds like. You're in an unhealthy relationship with your current girlfriend...but you're sticking with it because it's better than nothing.

Thus...if you think that this girl in class is interested in you...get rid of the current girlfriend...and ask this other girl out. On the other hand...you're a young single guy...there's no law that says you can't date both of them at the same time!!!

Hubba hubba!

- Nick

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cwa107

 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iHarrison View Post

I know the solution to that situation might sound like a no-brainer; but I'm reluctant, to say the least, to deal with the angry (& possibly violent, going by what I've heard about her past since getting with her) reaction of my current girlfriend to me breaking-up with her.
Really? So, you're saying that you don't want to break up with her because you're afraid of her? That doesn't sound like a healthy relationship at all.

Quote:
I don't want to miss my opportunity with the girl from class - who I, frankly, & perhaps obviously - like a lot more than my current girlfriend (&, in fact, a lot more than any girl I've ever gone out with, I'll admit to having "made do" with what I could find before, but this girl I really like) - but I don't need all the drama of a very messy break-up as I come to my final exams for this year...

How would you advise I proceed? If, indeed, you can think of advice for such a convoluted situation that I've managed to get myself into!
Man up. I will personally revoke your guy card if you don't dump the old one, regardless of what you do with the new one.

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pigoo3

 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cwa107 View Post
Man up. I will personally revoke your guy card if you don't dump the old one, regardless of what you do with the new one.
I think my wife has my "guy card"!!! Ha ha!

- Nick

- Computer slow, too many "beachballs", read this: Beachballs
- Computer seems slower than it used to? Read this for some speedup tips: Speedup
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Razormac View Post
You asked for advice and as was stated since it is free it is probably worth what you pay for it, but in my opinion the basis for any healthy relationship has to be honesty.
Making-do with someone you don't honestly care for and can't commit to does neither of you a service. How you go about it is another story but I can't see any positives for maintaining a fiction in your personal life.
Quoted because it need to be said again.

Quote:
Originally Posted by pigoo3 View Post
Thus...if you think that this girl in class is interested in you...get rid of the current girlfriend...and ask this other girl out.
To me this is simple but this kind of thing never really is. That said, I agree with Nick - you need to end the current relationship if it really is as bad as we seem to think it is. Do what makes you happy.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by pigoo3 View Post
I think my wife has my "guy card"!!! Ha ha!

- Nick
Mine too, but this guy isn't married. He's innocent, naive even. Now is the time to display that card high and proud!

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Quote:
Originally Posted by pigoo3 View Post
I think my wife has my "guy card"!!! Ha ha!

- Nick
I know my wife has mine I get to borrow it every now and again


But I have been though that same thing. I would say it is worth the chance ask the new one out. You can not let what could be the best thing for you to walk away.


But Like stated it is time to ditch the old if that is the situation.

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You should definitely do what is right, not necessarily what makes you happy. Although with this one, what is right and what would make you happy (ie, getting out of your current relationship) are one and the same. No way would I jump into a new relationship afterwards though. You have to deal with the current relationship, go through the process, etc. And jumping into a new relationship right away also tells the new girl that if someones else comes along that you like better you would just jump ship and go for the new girl. It might not be true, but that will still be the message you are sending. You don't need your current girlfriend mad at the new girl either, that would really be doing her a disservice and if you really do care for her you wouldn't do that to her.

Regardless, you need to get out of your current relationship, that's beyond unhealthy and it's exactly the type of relationship you will have for the rest of your life if you don't change the way you do things on a permanent basis.

Anyways again like others have said.. it's free advice and sometimes free advice is better than paid advice and sometimes.. not soo much.. so good luck
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Ditch the current for sure, sounds psycho to me (no offence), and then ask the new girl, and see where it goes, and if that's no where you have done yourself a favour in ditching a bad egg, and you can concentrate on your studies.

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