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xj6jaguar1985 12-15-2008 02:13 AM

Pre-Move Jitters
 
So I'm supposed to move back up north to Rhode Island on Tuesday. It's 1:50AM and my anxiety is running haywire because I'm so nervous.

When I moved down to Florida a year ago, the primary reason for me moving was the fact my father was horribly grief-stricken over losing his wife (My stepmother) to cirrohsis of the liver at age 45. My father was like my best friend to me and he had nobody down here, so I moved down here to be with him.

I'm not going to lie, the first 4 months of me living here were some of the best times of my life- My anxiety and other unmentionable health problems (Hey you don't want to read about my IBS trust me lol.) all but disappeared and for the first time in about 2 years, I was happy. Of course all of my health problems came back into full swing after I introduced my father to my now NEW stepmom (O joy...) . But he told me he's happy being with her, so I guess I succeeded there.

I think when I lived in Rhode Island after I moved back up in 2006...I think of how I almost killed myself with drugs and alcohol and my agonizingly long, painful, exhausting and degrading climb to being halfway normally healthy. You never forget things like that and I know it'll be with me for the rest of my life. However I know how to keep myself normally healthy now and it includes A LOT (about 1 gallon a day) of water. Even though I know things will be different now, it's still scary...Ya know? Well...Probably and hopefully not in that aspect...=\

I'm blessed that the best woman I ever had in my life really wants to give me and her another shot again. It's kinda funny....I tell people I live my life with no regrets...Even the whole drugs and booze thing...I don't regret...But leaving *her* for my ex was the only thing I have ever regretted in my life. Of course I'm insanely nervous about seeing her. :x

Then there's school. Yeah I'm going to be going to one of the best automotive schools in the country and man it's scary...I mean it just kinda hits you randomly...I remember reading the automotive engineering course overviews and it just hit me - in 18 months I'm going to be a big boy...I'm going to be on my own again and this time for good, for the rest of my life..It's cool and scary at the same time.

Then there's my beloved Jaguar. I don't have as much confidence in her returning back up north as I did when I left for Florida. Yeah the only thing that has gone wrong with her in a year is the V-Belt breaking on her on Thursday and that was because I overtightened it like a retard. *knocks on wood* It's still scary regardless driving a foreign car through North&South Carolina, Georgia, Virginia and Maryland when you're not around the big cities. Also add in the fact I'm rolling with only $450 to my name and it can keep ya up at night.

I guess it's just me being reminiscent about the time I've spent in Florida. Of course I know there's nothing left for me here in Florida and I know everything happens for a reason...But I still think about everything I've experienced down here. I guess I'm just satisfied that I've found someone for my father. When I moved down here, I really feared for my father's life....The man was walking a tightrope of being suicidal and now he's very happy. It's kinda crazy how everything worked out..I mean I couldn't find a job for the life of me and the only place that FINALLY hired me was Wal-Mart. I met my now step-mother in the Wal-Mart salon because I needed my mohawk touched up. I told her about my dad, and my dad about her, etc...*Shrugs* Maybe it was the reason for me somehow, inexplicably not getting jobs, dating SANE women, finding friends that WEREN'T either ghetto or white trash, was to find someone for my dad? I dunno...Regardless I'm nervous about the move on Tuesday but I'm gonna try to get some sleep...Keyword : TRY.

Kash 12-15-2008 03:17 AM

Good god man, your long posts are so frequent that you really need to start up a blog or something ;P

Good luck trying to get some rest, I think I slept like an hour the night before I left NJ for CA (then again, I spent most of the night doing last minute packing, but that's besides the point)

skye 12-15-2008 05:21 AM

Hm, yes many Tanner-eque posts from you but they are much more coherent...

I feel the sting of being awake with anxiety...it is 4am and I am awake, for the 3rd night in a row...

dtravis7 12-15-2008 05:27 AM

Jaguar, I hope it all works out for you up there with your mom. Do keep us informed. What happened with taking your cat up there?

Anyway, take care and get some sleep.

xj6jaguar1985 12-15-2008 11:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dtravis7 (Post 771623)
Jaguar, I hope it all works out for you up there with your mom. Do keep us informed. What happened with taking your cat up there?

Anyway, take care and get some sleep.

You know I'll keep you guys informed. ;D

I had to give him back to the lady I took him from. Of course you remember that my mom didn't want him and neither did my father and stepmother so it was either I give him back to the lady or give him to a shelter..=\

PapaNoHair 12-15-2008 11:41 AM

Have a safe trip - although the middle of winter is not the best time to be moving from Florida to Rhode Island. A quick comment about your IBS: I had a problem in that area and decided to approach it herbally and it has worked for me. You might want to check into it. Was just thinking: not too many children would leave the area they live in to help a parent like you did - you are to be commended for being a good son.

Audio.Trench 12-15-2008 12:06 PM

Good luck man! Hope everything works out better for you this time. Especially since you'll be seeing your "lost love."

justpassinthru 12-15-2008 12:13 PM

Well about the only thing I can relate to is school.
Quote:

Originally Posted by xj6jaguar1985 (Post 771586)
Then there's school. Yeah I'm going to be going to one of the best automotive schools in the country and man it's scary...I mean it just kinda hits you randomly...I remember reading the automotive engineering course overviews and it just hit me - in 18 months I'm going to be a big boy...I'm going to be on my own again and this time for good, for the rest of my life..It's cool and scary at the same time.

I left my hometown of Chicago to attend MMI (Motorcycle Mechanics Institute) in Phoenix, Arizona for the Harley-Davidson authorized training program. I was enrolled 63 weeks total. It was a great experience. Some will tell you it's never a good idea to mix hobbies with work, but in my case, this was one of best decisions I ever made. I wouldn't trade my job for any other. You need to keep a positive outlook regarding both school and your future. Yeah I know, easier said than done - but maintaining a positive attitude will make a difference in your life.

In my book, anyone who claims they have no regrets, hasn't lived. So with that said, have a safe trip home, good luck in school, and with your personal choices.

xj6jaguar1985 12-15-2008 04:53 PM

I almost did MMI too!!!

xj6jaguar1985 12-16-2008 07:08 AM

Well I'm headed out to Rhode Island today so the next time you guys hear from me I'll be in the cold "Ocean State"! And if you don't hear from me again, I had an encounter with leatherface...lol

calenerd 12-16-2008 11:44 AM

Good luck dude.

jhawk2 12-16-2008 12:57 PM

Hope you packed a coat.....

mdfuller 12-16-2008 03:27 PM

Good luck man!

justpassinthru 12-16-2008 09:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xj6jaguar1985 (Post 772152)
Well I'm headed out to Rhode Island today so the next time you guys hear from me I'll be in the cold "Ocean State"! And if you don't hear from me again, I had an encounter with leatherface...lol

On that note... if you should hear banjo's, RUN!!!!!!

xj6jaguar1985 12-17-2008 12:38 AM

Oh lawd...I'm at a hotel in Virginia right now and boy do I already have stories involved with DRAMA...SURPRISED?

So I'm about 100 miles away from where I lived in Florida and I notice this HORRID grinding sound coming from underneath my car...Oh guess what it was? Yep my whole exhaust was dragging...

I pulled into a Home Depot and looked for a cheap sawsall...HAH HAH HAHHHH...The cheapest one they had was for $170 because they were all out of the other ones...Seeing no other option and running the risk of getting a ticket just trying to find a shop, I bought it.
Hey I can just return it when I'm done right?

Well..I'm up at the front of Home Depot underneath my Jag sawing my exhaust to the point that now she only has a head-pipe...Yeah it's LOUD...

Well I went back in the store to return it, and they said they wouldn't give me cash, so they gave me STORE CREDIT....

I shrug it off and continue to drive (Mind you I left the catalytic converter just chillin in the Home Depot parking lot...lol it was worthless anyways..)
and then it just hits me: I'm not going to have enough money to make it home! I start having one of the worst anxiety attacks in my life, and on top of that at this point I had just entered Georgia and I was BAWLING my eyes out. It also hit me that I can't live without being around my father.
3 Thoughts pop into my mind:
1. My mom and I have the same bank. All she has to do is make a cash deposit for me in my bank account and presto I have the money.
2. My dad isn't going to live forever. My emotional dependency on him is highly irrational.
3. Once I graduate College up North, I can always move back down to FL and this time I WILL have a job.

But wait there's more:
So I get this crafty idea that "Hey let me buy something for $200 and then return it so I get cash!"
After screwing up 3 times trying to get something for $200, I walk around to the other side for returns and they hand me back $30 in cash and ANOTHER $170 for credit...UGH.

A couple of minutes ago I just had the last cigarette out of the last pack my dad gave me and I completely lost it...I mean I still have tears in my eyes....What in the world is wrong with me?


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