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Schweb's Lounge Forum for general conversation, chit chat, or most topics that don't fit in another forum.

Quotable Quotes


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hughvane

 
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Member Since: May 18, 2008
Location: Banks Peninsula, New Zealand
Posts: 3,259
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Mac Specs: MacMini 2.4, 4 Gb, OS 10.8 and 10.6; MacBook 2.4, 2 Gb, OS 10.5.8; G4 eMac 1.25, 2 Gb, OS 10.4.11

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After the depressing events of Mumbai and Black Friday/Walmart, I'd love to see some humor injected into A-G. My favorite is word humor, puns and double-entente especially, so for starters I'd like to present some amusing quotes. These come from a little program called Funny Quotes that came out in the days of OS 9/Classic.
Examples:
1. I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
2. You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you are going, because you might not get there.
3. When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.

Please contribute some more, give us something to laugh about.
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xj6jaguar1985

 
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Member Since: Jul 06, 2008
Location: In a van down the river.
Posts: 661
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"When an instrument fails on stage it mocks you and must be destroyed"
-Trent Reznor

<3 NIN.

Yes my name is Jaguar.
No, it is not a joke.
I don't find your "I'm a cheetah." joke funny.
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BlueMac

 
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Member Since: Sep 01, 2008
Location: Rhinebeck, NY
Posts: 1,056
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Mac Specs: 20" iMac 2.66 GHz... Running 10.5.7

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My favorite quote is:

"Yes my name is Jaguar.
No, it is not a joke.
I don't find your "I'm a cheetah." joke funny. "

-xj6jaguar1985


Hehe, I remember hearing this awesome quote a while back, someone by the name of Mad-Eye Moody : "CONSTANT VIGILANCE"

Flickr

Last.fm
Si, hablo Español. Oui, je parle français. Yes, I speak English.
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xj6jaguar1985

 
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Member Since: Jul 06, 2008
Location: In a van down the river.
Posts: 661
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Now I'll give a nice flurry of George Carlin quotes:


Women like silent men, they think they're listening.

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?




The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.


Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
LOL that's my fav.

Yes my name is Jaguar.
No, it is not a joke.
I don't find your "I'm a cheetah." joke funny.
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hughvane

 
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Member Since: May 18, 2008
Location: Banks Peninsula, New Zealand
Posts: 3,259
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Mac Specs: MacMini 2.4, 4 Gb, OS 10.8 and 10.6; MacBook 2.4, 2 Gb, OS 10.5.8; G4 eMac 1.25, 2 Gb, OS 10.4.11

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How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
Apple is a company, but Macintosh is a community. (aaaawwwgh)
Mom says Apples are good for me.
On the box it was written: "Requires Windows 95 or better", so I bought a Macintosh.
I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent.
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louishen

 
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Member Since: Oct 22, 2007
Location: London
Posts: 8,935
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Groucho Marx when told that a swimming pool was off-limits to Jews
"My son is half-Jewish. Can he wade in up to his knees?"

"A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything but the value of nothing."
Oscar Wilde

Member of the Month September 2008 & August 2012 | Found advice useful? – use the rep system
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hughvane

 
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Member Since: May 18, 2008
Location: Banks Peninsula, New Zealand
Posts: 3,259
hughvane is just really nicehughvane is just really nicehughvane is just really nicehughvane is just really nicehughvane is just really nice
Mac Specs: MacMini 2.4, 4 Gb, OS 10.8 and 10.6; MacBook 2.4, 2 Gb, OS 10.5.8; G4 eMac 1.25, 2 Gb, OS 10.4.11

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•He who laughs last probably didn't understand the joke.
•When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.
•How many babies can a motherboard have?
•I'll never forget the first time I ran Windows, but I'm trying.
•Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.
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eric

 
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Member Since: Nov 04, 2006
Location: twin cities, mn, usa
Posts: 8,801
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"a cat can have kittens in an oven, but that don't make 'em biscuits."

Please participate in our Member of the Month polls. Every vote counts! And remember to use the user reputation system!
["Dear Homer, I. O. U. one emergency donut. Signed, Homer." - Note by Homer Simpson]
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terrible1one3

 
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Member Since: Oct 05, 2008
Location: Raleigh, NC
Posts: 80
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All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

-J.R.R. Tolkien
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jhawk2

 
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Member Since: Jun 13, 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 149
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Wrestling quote: Pain is weakness leaving your body!
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hughvane

 
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Member Since: May 18, 2008
Location: Banks Peninsula, New Zealand
Posts: 3,259
hughvane is just really nicehughvane is just really nicehughvane is just really nicehughvane is just really nicehughvane is just really nice
Mac Specs: MacMini 2.4, 4 Gb, OS 10.8 and 10.6; MacBook 2.4, 2 Gb, OS 10.5.8; G4 eMac 1.25, 2 Gb, OS 10.4.11

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•Did you realise that you spend one-seventh of your life on a Monday.
•The world is full of willing people: some willing to work, the rest willing to let them.
•Polaroids: what polar bears get from sitting on icecaps.
•Somethingswrongwithmyspacebar
•Th vwls n m kbrd dn't wrk vry wll, d thy?
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Dimitri

 
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Member Since: Jan 08, 2007
Location: Stillwater, MN
Posts: 634
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Some of my favorite idiotic football quotes:

Denny Green:
"When 2 teams play, only 1 can win. It's usually the team with the most points."
"Nobody plays like we play when we wanna play."

John Madden:
"The only way to stop Donovan McNabb is to get quick penetration and grab him by the ankles."

Portable DAP: iPod nano 4G 8GB (green)
Headphones: Sennheiser HD485, Sennheiser PX-100W
Computer: Aluminum iMac 24" 2.8GHz
Mobile: iPhone 3G 16GB (black)
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Khris

 
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Member Since: May 13, 2008
Location: Edmonton, AB
Posts: 506
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640K is more memory than anyone will ever need.
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hughvane

 
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Member Since: May 18, 2008
Location: Banks Peninsula, New Zealand
Posts: 3,259
hughvane is just really nicehughvane is just really nicehughvane is just really nicehughvane is just really nicehughvane is just really nice
Mac Specs: MacMini 2.4, 4 Gb, OS 10.8 and 10.6; MacBook 2.4, 2 Gb, OS 10.5.8; G4 eMac 1.25, 2 Gb, OS 10.4.11

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•There are two types of people: Those who finish what they start and
•Wherever you go, there you are.
•The most important leg of a three legged stool is the one that's missing.
•I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants!
•Transistor: A sibling opposite of transbrother.
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CupCate18

 
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Member Since: Sep 08, 2008
Location: Canton, Ga
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...But since any reasonable person would choose a Mac over a PC, Apple's market share does provide us with an accurate reading of the percentage of reasonable people in our society.

Yes, my dog is sleeping by an apple in my avatar. Yes, he did it on his own.
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