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Schweb's Lounge Forum for general conversation, chit chat, or most topics that don't fit in another forum.

Parents fighting, should the kids get involved.


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k3s

 
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Alright i am doing a research paper on the dynamics of home life. Do you think kids should get involved in when parents are fighting. Like the child being used as a medium of communication between parents.

I personally believe the kids should not be involved, especially with parents getting divorced and the child being used as a medium of communication between parents.
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MinaMACMan

 
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I absolutely agree with you, especially with younger kids. It gets to be too traumatizing for the kids to get involved in their parents issues, whether those issues/fights are as small as Grocery shopping or as tremendous as divorce and breakups.

Unfortunately some parents get their kids involved as a pressure point on the other spouse which causes some emotional trauma to the kids.

Just my 2 cents.
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sanity1082

 
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no the kids should not be involved unless it directly involves them. no child should have to serve as a medium.
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MBasile

 
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As someone who went through this, I don't think you can give a solid yes or no. It really isn't as simple as "should the kids get involved."

Some kids (you also need to define an age you're talking about) have the maturity and mental strength to not be pulled to one side or another.

You also can't say that kids getting involved is what causes them to choose sides, the circumstances of the situation help determine that.
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sanity1082

 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MBasile View Post
As someone who went through this, I don't think you can give a solid yes or no. It really isn't as simple as "should the kids get involved."

Some kids (you also need to define an age you're talking about) have the maturity and mental strength to not be pulled to one side or another.

You also can't say that kids getting involved is what causes them to choose sides, the circumstances of the situation help determine that.

i agree that the circumstances help determine which side they are on. however i know my fiance went thru a situation like this when she was about 19-20 and it was very hard for her. her parents would pull her into the middle of the arguments and she would get messages from each parent that she was suppose to relay to the other one. she was never happy with it and i know it was very draining on her mentally.

now if a child choses to get in the middle to me that is a different story
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No. The parents should have the maturity to talk to each other directly. If they can't, they need to talk through a counselor or their lawyers.
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Lytheil

 
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Perfecting timing huh?

Mine are in the process of a divorce right now. And I felt that they should not have included me cause it has effected me emotionally and physically. Anyway. Parents should NEVER get their kids involved. Also it makes the choice harder to choose who to go with. Me being only 17.

Anyway, back to the topic.

what I feel is that they should NEVER have their kids involved.

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skaheadpunk

 
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My parents used us as pawns in their ceaseless divorce and pre-divorce battles. My dad refusing to see us to upset my mum, my mum not letting us see him to upset him, general screaming at each other, refusing to talk to each other so I (10) had to call my dad and arrange times for me and my sister (4) to see him and stuff.

It was a mess. Kids shouldn't be involved at all, and parents should just shut up sometimes and argue later or via email rather than on the doorstep at picking-up time. And getting them to pass on messages just isn't cool either.
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I really don't think kids should be involved. I remember my parents fighting a lot when I was really young, and using all of us (my siblings) in each other's arguments. It eventually ended when I was 4, when they got a divorce. I think I was too young to really understand any of it, but I definitely know it affected my older sisters in a big way. Because it was mostly my dad that used us, they refuse to talk to him to this day. I'm not exactly on good terms with him either, because of the way he acted.

So to wrap up a long story, parents should never get the kids involved. The one exception would be if it really directly involves the child and they're mature enough to put in their own opinion on the situation. That's what I think.
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Tanner31593

 
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I don't think the children should be the medium.
I was the medium for my parents, still am in a way, and it's something i'd never wish on.
When my parents fight, it becomes the whole family's fight though.
They say it's none of our business, and in a way that's true, but it's a huge part of our lives as well.
If dad is going to accuse mom of something (or the other way around), i WILL jump in and be the alibi, or whatnot.
They hate it, and I guess in a way it's disrespectful, but I don't like it either, it would be cool if they learned to argue in private.

The kids should get the positive side of both parents.
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louishen

 
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I went thought this when I was twelve - I personally didn't get involved but now have a lifelong aversion to confrontation

On the record, I always sided with my mum, and it did sour my relationship with my father
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