Where did your local Apple store hear that MS had acquired Symantec? Intel just bought McAfee - I wonder if they're confused between the two? As far as I know and am aware, Symantec has not been bought by MS.

And I agree with cw107 in that I don't see how Zone Alarm could be interfering with a software update for your Touch. In any event, disable it or remove it and do as suggested by using the free MS Security Essentials instead.

And be nice to your husband and convince him that you really need an iPad.