Anything Goes? How About A Joke...

As regular readers of this forum may know, I am an engineer. I came across the following this afternoon and just howled laughing. If you read this and it doesn't tickle your funny bone, don't worry - you're just not an engineer! Here goes...

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

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eh? Yup, I'm not an engineer.

HAHA, that was awesome!!

funny. though my geek-side wants to know exaclty what kind of bike it was.

maybe a nice Dahon?

I guess all the blood rush out of my head, so I don't get it.

maybe it's for engineers and happily married men?

mac57 said:

As regular readers of this forum may know, I am an engineer. I came across the following this afternoon and just howled laughing. If you read this and it doesn't tickle your funny bone, don't worry - you're just not an engineer! Here goes...

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Classic!!!! Thank you!

eric said:

funny. though my geek-side wants to know exaclty what kind of bike it was.

maybe a nice Dahon?

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LMAO!!!!

OK mac57, here's one for you... I'm not an engineer, but as a network admin that works a lot of technology projects, this tickled my funny bone (and hangs in my cubicle too!):

The Engineer and the Manager

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man below says: "Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees N. latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees W. longitude."

"You must be an engineer," says the balloonist.

"I am," replies the man. "How did you know."

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost."

The man below says "You must be a manager."

"I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault."

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LOL, that one was great too. :black:

i've heard that before... classic!

Both are so very funny!! I'm not an engineer but must be an engineer type...I have been a manager for years and loved that one too! Still laughing!!

Excellent cwa107, just excellent! :dive:

netty4mac, perhaps I should have qualified it that if you don't find it funny you are not a MALE engineer!! :dive:

How do you tell the difference between an introvert engineer and an extrovert engineer?

The extrovert looks at your shoes while talking to you.

eric said:

maybe it's for engineers and happily married men?

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"Engineering" trumps "marriage" in this case.

This is an oldie but a goodie:

APPLE VS. MICROSOFT

Three Microsoft engineers and three Apple employees are traveling by train to a computer conference. At the station, the three Microsoft engineers each buy tickets and watch as the three Apple employees buy only a single ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks a Microsoft engineer.

"Watch and you'll see," answers the Apple employee.

They all board the train. The Microsoft engineers take their respective seats, but all three Apple employees cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please."

The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes the ticket and moves on.

The Microsoft engineers saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the Microsoft engineers decide to do the same on the return trip and save some money.

When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Apple employees don't buy any ticket, at all.

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asks one perplexed Microsoft engineer.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an Apple employee.

When they board the train the three Microsoft engineers cram into a restroom and the three Apple employees cram into another one nearby. The train departs.

Shortly afterward, one of the Apple employees leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the Microsoft engineers are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please..."

Adam is alone and bored in Eden, and one day he laments to God:

"Oh Lord, you have given me a beautiful world, a bountiful garden, and all manner of beasts. But I am lonely and need companionship."

"What kind of companionship do you wish, Adam?" asks God.

"Well," says Adam, "I would ask you make for me a companion that is beautiful, smart (though not quite so smart as me), loyal, passionate, fair, stable of mind, fit of body, nurturing, and peaceful."

"That's an awful lot to ask for all in one person, Adam. I can do it, but it will cost you."

"What will it cost me, Lord?"

"For all of that, I'll have to take an arm and a leg."

Adam thinks on this for a while and finally realizes it's too high a price to pay. Instead, he asks, "What can I get for a rib?"

Tickle Me Elmo

A women desperately looking for work goes into a toy factory. The personal manager
goes over her resume and explains to her that he regrets he has nothing
worthy of her. The woman answers that she really needs work and will take
almost anything. The personal manager hums and haws and finally says he
does have a low skill job on the "Tickle Me Elmo" line and nothing else.
The woman happily excepts. He takes her down to the line and explains her
duties and that she should be in for 8:00 AM the next day.

The next day at 8:45 there's a knock at the personal manager's door. The
"Tickle Me Elmo" line manager comes in and starts ranting about the woman
he just hired. After screaming for 15 minutes about how badly backed up
the assembly line is the personal manager suggested he show him the
problem.

Together they head down to the line and sure enough Elmos are backed up
from here to kingdom come. Right at the end of the line is the woman just
hired, she has pulled over a roll of the material used for the Elmos and
has a big bag of marbles. They both watch as she cuts a little piece of
fabric and takes 2 marbles and starts sewing them between Elmo's legs.

The personal managers starts to kill himself laughing and finally after 20
minutes of rolling around he pulls himself together and walks over to the
new employee and says, "I'm sorry. I guess you misunderstood me yesterday.
What I wanted you to do was give Elmo two test tickles."

Think You're Secret Agent Material?

Three men are at the FBI Building for a job interview. The interviewing FBI agent tells the first man, ''To be in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room. I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun.''
The man takes the gun, hesitates, and says, ''Sorry, I can't do it.'' The next interviewee enters the office and the agent tells him the same thing he told the first guy. The second man takes the gun, walks into the room, and walks out. ''Sorry, I can't.'' he says. The last man enters the office and the inverviewer said yet again explains the test.' The man takes the gun and goes into the room. The Agent hears 6 shots, silence, then a lot of screaming. The man comes out of the room and says, ''Someone loaded the gun with blanks, so I beat her to death with the curtain railing!''

Reposted my two favorites.

There is another version with two men and a woman, but I can not find it at this time.

rman said:

Think You're Secret Agent Material?

Three men are at the FBI Building for a job interview. The interviewing FBI agent tells the first man, ''To be in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room. I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun.''
The man takes the gun, hesitates, and says, ''Sorry, I can't do it.'' The next interviewee enters the office and the agent tells him the same thing he told the first guy. The second man takes the gun, walks into the room, and walks out. ''Sorry, I can't.'' he says. The last man enters the office and the inverviewer said yet again explains the test.' The man takes the gun and goes into the room. The Agent hears 6 shots, silence, then a lot of screaming. The man comes out of the room and says, ''Someone loaded the gun with blanks, so I beat her to death with the curtain railing!''

Reposted my two favorites.

There is another version with two men and a woman, but I can not find it at this time.

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Hey... that's my favorite... I was just about to post it... Though mine ended in "beat her with the chair" instead of curtain rod.

Now THAT is funny.